A Party Girl's Guide To Preventing Premature Aging

by Daniel Reynolds · March 16, 2012

    We told you how to get drunk and not get fat.  Now let's tackle another problem faced by partygoers - premature aging.  As Lindsay Lohan can attest, the mixture of drinking, smoking, and tanning is a surefire recipe for disaster, turning a hot mean girl into a shoulda-worn-sunscreen girl. Here's some easy tips to avoid looking like a cougar in your 20s.

    [Lindsay Lohan, Photo via]


    Moisturize every day.  This is the easiest step you can take in preserving those youthful good looks, and can be easily incorporated into your morning routine.  Remember: drinking caffeine or alcohol will dry out your skin, so it's especially important to moisturize after a night of heavy drinking in order to deter the wrinkling.

    Sunscreen and Spray Tans

    For many, tanning is a great, short-term way to improve your appearance: teeth look whiter, eyes look brighter, and that glow just looks so healthy.

    But whether it's from the beach or the bed, tanning is the worst ager of skin. And it causes cancer, which is certainly not sexy.  Protect yourself with sunscreen, and use bronzers or spray tans if you're looking for a change of hue.

    If celebrities like Anne Hathaway, Scarlett Johansson, and Taylor Swift have taught us one thing, it's that albino bitches can also be beautiful.  Take care of your skin, or face some ugly problems in the future.

    [Snooki, Photo via]

    Wear Sunglasses

    And not only at night!  The sun not only damages your eyes, but causes you to squint, which leads to crow's feet.

    No Smoking

    I don't care what all the cool kids at Le Baron are doing.  No smoking.  And don't give me that line, "I only smoke when I'm drunk."  When's the last time you were sober, girl?

    Cigarettes will age your skin, give you all sorts of nasty health problems, and force you to do laundry much more frequently.  And in New York City, do you really want to pay $15/per pack so you can smell, look old, and kill yourself?  Cut it out!

    [Britney Spears, Photo via]

    Plastic Surgery

    If you're going to do it (fillers), don't get lip injections. Puffy lips are ubiquitous among middle-aged and older celebrities, real housewives in particular. So unless someone offers you a high-paying reality gig, please avoid that unfortunate association.

    Lip-work is also a clear indicator to everyone else that you've had work done.  And isn't looking natural the point?


    Unless you're the one-eyed drag queen who does Leighton Meester's makeup, less is more.  Old ladies love to cake on foundation, so have some faith in your youthful palate and keep makeup simple and natural.

    And I don't care who's in your bed: remember to wash all makeup off after a night of partying. Leaving it on overnight can cause clogged pores and blemishes, which will certainly not look cute in the morning.

    Also remember to replace makeup, especially eye makeup, every four to six months.  After that, you'll be spreading bacteria over your face, potentially causing all sorts of nasty infections.  And if it gets in your eye, you could develop conjunctivitis, which may lead to blindness.

    [Leighton Meester, Photo via]


    Apart from killing wicked witches, water is essential to the function of the body, including cell growth and regeneration.  So when you dehydrate, or don't drink enough water in between cocktails, you're beating your skin cells with an ugly stick.

    What's the difference between a raisin and a grape?  Water. Drink it.

    Avoid Straws

    You know what sucks?  Straws.  Sipping beverages from a straw, or smoking a cigarette for that matter, leads to a pursing of the lips that may cause wrinkles around the mouth. Save yourself some lines, and stop the habit now.

    Sleep and Exercise

    Exercise is a miracle worker when it comes to looking youthful, as it naturally increases the amount of collagen in our skin.  It also helps circulation, lowers cholesterol, burns fat, and gives us more restful sleep - all key ingredients to maintaining youthful looks.


    Sigh. You knew this was coming.  In addition to dehydration, excessive consumption of alcohol causes inflammation throughout the body, which is directly linked to widened pores, rosacea, and fine lines and wrinkles. Water and rest just aren't enough to counter the consequences of too many benders.

    Drink responsibly (and not from straws!).  Your looks, and your health, are at stake.

    For more information on skin aging, including dietary recommendations, go HERE.

    [Kate Moss, Photo via]