"Best $2k I Ever Spent!" My Favorite Fashion Statements From Last Week

Last week was a pretty big one. Spring officially turned into summer, and it seems like everyone from our usual motley crew of pool partiers to the largest man (formerly) in the NBA had a statement to make. And this being a superficial town and all, they made their statements the old fashioned way: with fashion.

So let's look back at some of the most outrageous outfits from last week, before we turn the page on them forever.

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From "Best $2k: Trying Out New Looks At Nightswim"

Last week, I called the center-right gentleman's haircut "The Half Bieber," but I realize now that there's so much more to what's going on with him. In reality, the haircut is only a part of the whole, combining with the loopy, Col. Sanders-esque tie and the child-sized leather jacket to create a look known as the Emo Matador. In Emo Bullfighting, the matador doesn't kill the bull, although there are a lot of suicides.

From "Roxbury Celebrates Memorial Day Weekend With Lightsabers & Spandex"

In our writeup of Roxbury's seemingly intergalactic Memorial Day shenanigans, our esteemed colleague Theo Hendrix noted that the patrons of the Roxbury seemed to be the only plausible explanation for how spectacular perv Dov Charney and his beleaguered company American Apparel could still be in business, based on how the brand's spandex-and-lamé motif has largely fallen out of favor with the population at large. And while there were several get-ups at the party that would have made the Dov-meister snap a photo of his junk and send a little D-Mail, it's this shiny blue Fifth Element thing that caught our attention. Seriously, J-Woww would think twice about wearing this out in public.

Is it just me, or when you see someone dressed like this at a club/bar/party, don't you always hope that they'll get a flat on the way home and have to spend 45 minutes standing in the doorway of some extremely well lit West LA 7-Eleven waiting for AAA?

From "RAW Artists & Syc Fuk Present An "Antiii Fashion Show" At Playhouse"

I don't know a whole lot about raising a child, and I admit that. Feeding schedules, vaccinations, developmental learning; these are complicated concepts that I will have to study far more before I decide to have a kid. But here's something I think I can safely say: children who are dressed in a jumpsuit that says "BABY FUK" and led down a runway in front of a large Hollywood crowd are at least 10x more likely to become transvestite junkie serial killers. Right, Mickey Avalon?