DO Wear Something Green
You know how there's always some guy who shows up on Halloween in a t-shirt and jeans and then tells you he's going "as myself" this year? You know how that guy is an asshole? Well, when you don't wear something green on St. Patrick's Day, you're the asshole. Look, it's really not that complicated: nobody's forcing you to die your hair green and stick shamrocks in your ears, but it's just poor form to not even give a nod to the robust cultural heritage of the Emerald Isle. Do you not own anything green? Did an Irishman steal your girlfriend? Did you really hate
The Wind That Shakes The Barley?
Basically, it's taking more effort to make your pissy little stand against ingrained tradition than it is to just go with the flow. So unclench your cheeks, dig up your old Boston/Philly/Oscar The Grouch t-shirt, and join the party, okay? We'll be waiting.