If you happen to be in the market for an over-the-top winter escape that would look right at home in the real estate portfolio of Donald Trump, might you care to take a look at this grandiose Miami estate-slash-compound that just broke real estate records in Florida?

Located on the exclusive La Gorce Island, the expansive property, which consists of four adjoining parcels combined by its previous owner, has just hit the market for a whopping $170 million, making it Florida's most expensive residence for sale in history.

But while the 600-foot stretch of waterfront is an undeniably nice perk, and, fine, we'll give it to the so-called "Domaine de la Paix et de l’Amour" gardens, the whole place is a little "meh" in our opinion. From the stuffy old rich person ideas of opulence (dark wood paneling, marble, and dramatic ceiling frescos) to the trying-too-hard-to-look-old-money everything else, it all just reminds us of a mini Mar-a-Lago. Sure, you're not likely to get food poisoning here so long as you hire a personal chef that doesn't hate you, but still, it's all a bit heavy-handed. For $170 million, we'd need a "chic" factor, and not even the in-house movie theater or 5,000-bottle wine storage area is doing it for us.

Also, who really needs to live on a compound if you're not a member of the Kennedy family or the Righteous Gemstones?

Want to judge for yourself? Click through for a look behind the gates.

[Photos via The Jills Zeder Group]

The Guest List

More