Kourtney Kardashian once said, "Tony Robbins once said, 'The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.'" She once attended a 12 hour Tony Robbins seminar so I think homegirl knows what she's talking about. And call it serendipity, but this quote happens to pertain to the fact that Kourtney and I share a bestie now.
Before becoming best friends, I didn't really think much of Chrissy. And I don't think Chrissy really thought much of me (we haven't had this conversation yet, but a good best friend knows what her best friend is thinking without even having to ask). Yes, she's beautiful and funny, but I was like, "Does the Internet seriously need to freak out over every little thing this bitch does on social media?" Do I really need to see a Twitter moment entirely dedicated to something Chrissy halfheartedly Tweeted while taking a dump that even she doesn't find to be that funny? Do I really need to see a Buzzfeed article abundant with overused gifs, millennial buzzwords, and over-the-top hyperbole? Do I really need to endure a social media feed of girls who say Chrissy Teigen "is literally me" and "gives me life" because she is bold and witty, when really, those girls are humorless, lifeless, avid How I Met Your Mother fans who...wait I don't need to insult them any further. Because they watch goddamn How I Met Your Mother.
But then Chrissy Teigen favorited my tweet. And retweeted another one of my tweets. All in one week. This is us trolling Trump supporters together. LOL!
And this is my quip about her claiming to be Shanghai for the Victoria's Secret fashion show earlier that day. A good friend tells you how she feels using her words, a best friend tells you how she feels using emojis because you know her so well that you can fill in the blanks from there.
Look, I know it comes off as being hypocritical by making mountains out of molehills with Chrissy Teigen's social media. And you know what? I still think it's kind of crazy that the media is obsessed with my best friend's every move. It's like, yeah, I get why you think she's funny. BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT. BECAUSE WE ARE BEST FRIENDS. So you have no idea how amazing she is until you interact with her. Just a mere 15 seconds of her undivided attention feels like you're being enveloped with love and support that your parents neglected to give you due to your middle child syndrome. Just a small sign of validation from Chrissy makes you totally forget biting insults and vicious jabs that mean girls threw your way years ago that still circle back during moments of crippling insecurity. Just a simple acknowledgment of your mere existence from Chrissy is more gratifying and edifying than a month's worth of $500 dollar 45 minute sessions with your shrink who wants to dissect why you romanticize superficial relationships with people who don't really matter to you as a means of shielding yourself from your emotional unavailability and fear of intimacy.
So anyways, like my girl Kourt said, your life correlates with how healthy your relationships are. And since Chrissy has become besties with me, I've gained, like, 15 new followers. They're likely trying to swindle their way into my relationship with Chrissy. Sure, social climbing and name dropping are disgusting and pathetic, and we all know social media is BS, but like I said before, THIS IS DIFFERENT. Attention and validation from your BEST FRIEND is a surefire way to cultivate a healthy ego and enhance your self-conception.
Also, to everyone else that saw me basically go viral: I see you liking my tweets and clicking on my profile, yet a very small percentage of you threw me a Twitter follow. Rude.
[Photo via @chrissyteigen]