Justin Bieber & Hailey Baldwin Got Married

by Millie Moore · September 14, 2018

    No, seriously, you read that correctly. Yesterday, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin got married in an NYC courthouse and TMZ has pics to prove it.

    Sources close to them said, “They went ahead and did it without listening to anyone.” LOL, no shit they didn’t listen to anyone. A 21-year-old model who is a daughter of a total Jesus freak just got married to a 24-year-old who is slowly morphing from teenage heartthrob to an extra on Trailer Park Boys. Clearly this was not the best idea.

    And if we’re being honest, this ceremony is the most tasteful way they could’ve gotten married. I don’t know about you, but I was honestly hyped to see the trashiest wedding on the planet. Remember when Britney and K Fed got married and the bridal and groom parties had custom Juicy Couture tracksuits, and Kevin's tracksuit oh-so-tastefully said "Pimp" on the back? I was hoping for trashier than that. Remember on Vanderpump Rules when Scheana had a crop top wedding dress that she tailored specifically so she could twerk during her first dance with her groom? I was really hoping for trashier than that. And remember when Emily Ratajaksfjsakdfjwski got married to a hot, trust fund baby version of Landry from Friday Night Lights in a courthouse and she wore a MUSTARD suit from ZARA and had fuckin' Fat Jew as their witness? I was really, realllllllly hoping for trashier than that.

    But hey, the newlyweds say they're going to have a big blowout to celebrate in front of their family, loved ones, and God. Since Hailey and Justin kind of totally look like they could be related, they'll probably serve Mountain Dew cocktails and honeymoon on the Kid Rock cruise. Donald and Ivanka will be totally jealous! What a way to Make Matrimony Great Again! Here's to a lifetime of love, happiness, and good-looking sex. (JK this marriage will last like, five minutes.)

    [Photo via @haileybaldwin]