Harvard Crimson Publishes Most Entertaining Piece In Years

by BILLY GRAY · December 8, 2009

    As far as fiery emails go, The Harvard Crimson has a ways to go before it breaks the sass ceiling of, say, Meatpacking District restaurant owners. Not to mention Cornell IT employees. But these are fresh-faced (oh, Harvard, scratch that) students on the cusp of entering a quickly dying industry, so we'll cut them some slack.

    It's funny to see a bunch of student newspaper geeks, and Harvard student newspaper geeks at that, questioning the "social skills" of "losers" and "nerds" who are members of another inconsequential undergrad tribe. But that's what happens in a borderline incomprehensible rant from some outgoing staffers to the Crimson's business board. Seems the feisty journalists thought the business board was all about "number, numbers, numbers." Somehow, this surprised them.

    Here are excerpts (including a poem!), all names redacted:

    "I’m sure you guys are not surprised to learn that you were epically unpopular, as you probably were for most of your pre and post-pubescent lives. Although the power trip of weeks past may have given you a slight feeling of euphoria, let us assure you, as you go forth in life, you will still be losers and nerds and weirdoes."

    "Y ellow Fever – What half of you have, you sick fucks. O h – oh, oh, oh, the screams of --’s orgasm from group-fisting heard from the Quad during deliberations U surp – the only thing that can save The Crimson now"

    "If we were you, we wouldn’t think to step foot back in The Crimson after you have vacated the premises, for we assure you, the atmosphere will not be one of welcoming embrace. We feel it is only fair to give you a rebuttal and chance to clear your mind and legacy - feel free to reply to this email.

    (Dis)respectfully Submitted,


    Read the full email at IvyGate