Columbia
Even though you consider yourself the most intellectual of all the Ivies, that's a facade because you did want to come to New York City to party. But how hard can one truly party on the Upper West Side? So while you look down on NYU kids, you still pander to them because they've got the 411 on events happening downtown. Hey, at least you don't have to interact with Fordham students, right? Your #WCW is Simone Weil, while you roll your eyes at Simone de Beauvoir because she's just too "haute bourgeoisie." And while you hate on her because she was "haute bourgeoisie," you come from an old money family although you're in denial about it. Also, stop saying "haute bourgeoisie" and peppering other French words into your everyday vernacular to make it sound like you're worldly. We've all done gap years and junior years abroad, you're not exactly more cultured than we are.
You liked Lana Del Rey until you realized she went to Fordham and you had a tattoo inspired by another culture that you would lecture people about until a Fordham freshman complimented it. Basically, fuck Fordham. You're actually the enlightened and hipster Ivy - sorry Brown.
Oh, and Barnard, none of this applies to you. You barely even go here!
[Photo via @columbia]
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