Non-Prescription Eyeglasses
The only thing you need glasses for is for help finding the garbage can for those ridiculous lenses. I don't know, no amount of fervent and fitful explaining will ever be enough to convince anybody that you look good in those things. You make people who wear glasses because they actually need them wish that they were never invented so they didn't have to live to see the day where you left the house wearing those shitty tool-shades. You'll find the cure for your incessant need to be an attention-craved whoremonger right next to the cure for blindness, you wannabe dirty hipster.
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