What The Dismal Bonus Season On Wallstreet Means For You

by guestofaguest · January 29, 2008

    bull’s butt

    [This bull is turning his back on us]

    It's the beginning of Bonus Season in the financial world, and New York may just as well be the bonus mega center. It's common knowledge here that there is a surge in real estate in Manhattan each year after big I-bankers and hedge-funders receive their "thank you" money. This year, there will be undeniably some disappointed finance moguls, as it is no surprise that their bonuses will be lower than average ($5-10 mil instead of the regular $20). In all seriousness, there are depressing numbers ahead. The website Banker's Ball "Where Investment Bankers Come to Party"has been a casual favorite of mine over the years. A quick breeze through the site today showcases just a hint some of the pouty bankers we will be dealing with this season. For instance there's the:

    [Merrill Bonuses: Now Less About You] article about how Merrill's bonuses this year will be more about how the company performed as a whole (shitty) than what you contributed as an individual.

    [Bonus Tawk: Goldman Stiffs Rank and File?] write up on how Goldman's cost-center employees got only a 15% bonus instead of their expected 75% ones like last year.

    [Merrill IB Bonuses: Flat or Down] warning that bonuses will be down across the board as well as layoffs.

    And finally the [Citigroup Job Cuts, The Running Count] article about the total job cuts in 2008 to range from 17,000 to 24,000.

    Yikes! Most of you may think that the black for3cast this bonus season will have no affect on your life. You may even be actually a little bit HAPPY that these wealthy money managers are going to have to (for at least one year) experience a world that the majority of people live in...one without EXTRA CREDIT. These guys are like those popular kids in your high school that failed to put the hard work in because they were too busy being popular and then just spent a couple days after class doing extra credit to ensure their 4.0's so they could continue on to some Ivy league college just like their parents had done.

    However, I'm here to tell you something: Hanging out with the popular kids is fun, and this drought could indeed affect you. Who's yacht are you going to party on at Sunset Beach this summer? How are you going to find a ride to bum out east in an Ashton Martin in? What's going to happen to all the lavish house warming parties at the ridiculously dressed up lofts in Soho? I'm being serious here. There is going to be one less bottle of Cristal being bought at each party, one less Hampton share house to visit, and one less Benz to catch a ride in. On a positive note, perhaps this bonus drought could mean that 1OAK will actually HAVE to start implementing it's "Velvet Egalitarianism" door policy that they so vehemently touted.

    [Wall Street's Bonus Schedule: Banker's Ball] [Sunset Beach] [Hampton's Tag-Team Summer] [Velvet Egalitarianism]