The Line At Sweetgreen Is Too Damn Long...

by Christie Grimm · January 23, 2018

    I have never been to Sweetgreen. And I cannot imagine a world in which I won't be able to say that.

    Not because I have some crazy issue with salad based chains or healthy-ish fast food - I would Juice Press myself to death if I had the means - but because I cannot imagine a 'Harvest Bowl' to be worth anywhere near the wait it commands. 

    Some way or another, you've been touched by this bizarre phenomenon, I know. Coworkers step out to grab lunch, and never return. Well, okay they return, but around an hour later, toting their paper bagged prize as if no time has passed. THEY TOOK THAT LONG AND WEREN'T EVEN EATING DURING THAT TIME!?!

    How could this be, one must ask? Did they for some bizarre reason go to a different location? One that on the way to you pass 3 other, closer Sweetgreens? Was there some kind of wallet mishap? They don't take cash you know, so that could be quite an issue... for no one! Order confusion? Could they not handle the overwhelming freedom of a custom, make-your-own salad? Too many premiums to choose from? 

    And then, one day, you pass a Sweetgreen, and you see for yourself. The midday mad scene of yo-pros slowly texting their way through a line snaked out the front door.

    A food run turned Oregon Trail tragedy in search of provisions. Surely there must be incidents of people perishing in this circumstance.

    People are taking their full lunch breaks, but instead of going out and enjoying their time, they're just spending it standing in line, sadly returning to shovel salad in their face in front of a computer. 

    And second, can we talk about how fragrant Sweetgreen salads are?! Like, I'm pretty sure a tupperware container of leftover Indian takeout from a week ago would be more unassuming than what's going on in their bowls.  

    This place has been around for years now - how has this cult following not branched out? Bougie salad bars are a dime a dozen in this town!

    If everyone just ordered ahead, would the world be that better a place?

    [Photo via @sweetgreen]