Etiquette Guide: Buying The Perfect Passive-Aggressive Gifts For Your Diva Cousin-In-Law

by Ross Kenneth Urken · December 14, 2010

    The joy of giving this season can be problematic when you are faced with the burden of shopping for unloved relatives, hated cousins and the like. Whether it's the mores of family life or simple reciprocity that dictates the gifts you have to give, don't get mad; here's how to get even. Let's focus on the diva cousin-in-law:

    1) For your annoying precious princess of a cousin, make your resentment for her clear with the Dumb-Blonde keyboard:

    The message: you are an idiot, and I am going to drown out your diva ways with an over-the-top neon pink keyboard.

    The upshot: A functional family has at its crux open, direct communication; whereas a new sweater or kitchen appliance could not adequately convey your bitterness, this fluorescent klavier can do the trick without the fuss of circumlocution.

    2) There's nothing like fancy feast to confuse your prima donna cuz. You will rile back in laughter at your gift-giving coup...

    The message: You are able to imply that you care more for the domestic pampered feline than your cousin.

    The upshot: The gift is economical and slams the message home with cold, aluminum grace. The "fanciness" also allows you to malign her fastidious idiocy in one fell swoop.

    P.S. Don't get her dog food! That way, she might think you're obliquely calling her a bitch. That's too direct/aggressive. We're going for the sly but clear here.

    [Images via CNET, Fancy Feast Coupons]