Yeah, V-Day is totally warm and fuzzy for those of you in love. Congratulations. But for the rest of us, it's just another Hallmark holiday that serves as a stinging reminder of our last breakup, hopeless dating life, and complete mess of an existence. But rather than faking it with some "self-care" tips and telling all you singletons to take a bath or something today, we're giving you what you really want: a glamorous guide to self-destruction. Who needs a box of chocolates when you've got booze and bad habits?