How Will You Celebrate The Japanese Phallus Festival?

by BILLY GRAY · March 30, 2010

    Because the combination of Axe and stilettos permeating Meatpacking District meet markets every weekend isn't enough of a turn-on, sushi restaurant Matsuri will unveil a phallic menu on Thursday to commemorate Japan's annual Fertility Festival. Fishy!

    The Kawasaki Fertility Festival is a Japanese Buddhist tradition dating back to the 1800s. Originally a way to celebrate the arrival of spring and egg on bountiful harvests, the party developed into a means of praying for solid marriages and healthy children. Which...somehow led to a shrine containing a "3-foot-high black metal phallus" being fondled by locals.

    Well then. The Meatpacking District is an ideal spot to mark the occasion 'round these parts. One of the most suggestively named neighborhoods in the city--right up there with Flatbush and Longwood--it's also buzzing with the hormones that inevitably arise when Jager Bombs, Drakkar Noir and JWoww-style blouses intersect. I think the Tuesday Science section just wrote up that very compound today.

    The one night only menu will include aphrodisiacs (a "Get It Up Pot" of oysters) and anatomically designed dishes like the Big Sausage and Hard Banana Cream Pie.

    Co-organizer Planned Parenthood will distribute condoms at the event in hopes of sparing any child the indignity of a conception story that begins at this shindig. No word yet on whether the rubbers will be as flavored as the dishes.