All The Men In NYC Who Will Disappoint You

This dude brags about how much sex he had in college (even though you never asked!) when really, the closest sexual encounter he ever had was during an elephant walk while pledging a frat. And if he did have sex...well...college was a very drunk time for many girls, and luckily for them, they didn't know what it was like to actually have a good hook-up, and so they settled for this d-bag. 

He probably didn't graduate college until the age of 25 and has barely gotten laid since he started working in a consulting job that he still hasn't left because he has no idea what he wants to do with his life. If he didn't live in a frat house, he definitely lived in a house called Goathouse or Meat Mansion. His favorite things to watch are the porn parody versions of movies you like and Tosh.0. 

Pretty much none of the guys I have talked about in this article will have an actual girlfriend until they're at least 45, but I seriously doubt this guy will have been on a proper dinner date by then. And if we're being honest, you shouldn't feel bad if you don't get a text back from him because his type of girl is a girl who gets filmed shotgunning a beer and the video ends up on Old Row with the caption "#WifeMaterial" with a bunch of emojis. 

He lives in an apartment with five other guys in Murray Hill or the Lower East Side, and he'll probably be living in the same apartment with the only friends left that enable his behavior until he's in his 30s. Hopefully he will stop doing all of his grocery shopping at 7-Eleven by then.

[Photo via @cofcpikes]