Petition To Replace Confederate Statues With Ones Of Britney Spears

by Millie Moore · August 24, 2017

    We don't know about you, but saucy political statements are our favorite political statements. From sending vibrators to Congress to protest the maltreatment of women's basic human rights to ecstasy pills created in Donald Trump's likeness to Trump urinal portraits (that pee tape scandal for sure had some truth to it), raunchy ways of fighting the power may not be the most effective of protests, but they definitely grab some attention!

    So obviously, we're all about this petition going around that is calling on the Louisiana government to replace Confederate soldier statues with... a statue of Britney Spears. The future is now, right? And the future is female. So wouldn't erecting a statue in Britney's honor be a fun way to further this movement? After all, she epitomizes the American Dream. She basically came from nothing and is one of the most influential entertainers in Hollywood, she's a bubblegum blonde pop princess yet still chows down on Cheetos, fried chicken, and Pepsi. These three things are the most American concepts ever!

    Still not convinced about Britney? Well, what about a statue of Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott instead? In Virginia, there's a petition circulating to build a statue of your fave 1990s rapper to replace statues of slave owners. We love this idea too! Who doesn't know all the words to "Lose Control?" At least make that the anthem of 2017, because control seems to be something we're lacking with this presidency!

    Surely you've heard the stupid excuse that taking down the statues of historical figures who enabled slavery and racism is an abomination because what person back then wasn't racist? It actually doesn't occur to those people that there could be statues of noble, exemplary heroes that didn't endorse hate who happened to not be white, cisgender men. Ya know, like Harriet Tubman, Fannie Lou Hamer, or Frederick Douglass. Even if you would rather build a statue of historical figures that are more...modest and distinguished than Britney or Missy, you have to admit that these pop stars never fell prey to racism or endorsed that kind of hatred, unlike those who have monuments dedicated to them.  

    Huh. Imagine that.

    [Photo via Getty]