How To Follow The World Cup Without Really Trying: A Cheat Sheet For Soccer Literacy

The World Cup is not that different from a royal wedding. It’s a huge spectacle on a global scale in which the key figures’ minute interactions are hyper analyzed by experts and laymen alike. The tournament takes over television, social media, newspaper headlines, and water cooler conversation. Drama is concocted out of the thinnest storylines and coverage of the event becomes more dramatic than the event itself. There are heroes and villains, conspiracy and nobility. The cast is composed of international superstars and the results touch millions. 

It’s high stakes, unscripted entertainment. You should give it a chance. Watch it while you're #multimasking. It's good to be informed about events taking place on the world stage. Why else would we subscribe to The Skimm (and never read it)? Two forty-five minute halves punctuated by a fifteen minute halftime is not a serious investment if you end up hating it. And wouldn't it be lovely to discover you enjoy it? 

If the idea of watching a match is absurd, cut your teeth on Instagram. Imagine that your dad has an urge to understand the dynamic between celebrity hairstylist Jen Atkin and her clients. He’d start with the main players and in no time he’d be following @theouai and @kardashianreact. Follow begets follow and soon he'd know who Karla Welch is.

If you’re following the royal wedding, you wouldn’t limit yourself to official coverage. There are memes and tabloids. Celebrities sharing their own commentary on the wedding. Outfit critiques. Satire and comic strips. Throwbacks to previous royal weddings. Likewise for the World Cup—so you must follow it accordingly.

An obvious place to start is the famous players. CR7. Neymar. Sergio Ramos. They’re the ones in Nike and Adidas ads who have their own clothing lines and famous girlfriends. But you won’t get much more than carefully regulated updates from the team bus or plane or locker room—LV dopp kits in hand. Player profiles tend to be pretty dry because they’re under the scrutiny of their team’s PR—you don't follow the official White House account if you want the good stuff, right? 

Follow a smattering of the listed accounts and you’ll be baptized in the font of soccer. Soon you’ll be comparing formations as fluently as Drybar locations and commenting on the beauty of a Cruyff turn as if it were a perfectly coiffed Cosmo-Tai. Watch it like you mean it. It's called the beautiful game for a reason.

[Photo via @fifaworldcup]