The US didn’t qualify for the World Cup. You totally knew that. Not only did we not make it to an Ivy (the knockout round), we didn’t even get into Vanderbilt (group stage). That leaves us watching the World Cup like those losers who attend the Harvard Yale game with no affiliation - H2GKMO. If you watch the World Cup as a neutral party, you might as well skip it altogether. You need context to care and you have to care to be entertained. Impartial viewing would be akin to watching Lemonade without seeing the Solange elevator video. You don’t have to pass the bar, but know a little bit. Since you can’t cheer for our couldn’t-beat-Panama team, we've taken a cue from Netflix and Amazon to use things you already like to make some suggestions.

[Photo via @cristiano]