The 7 Deadly Sins: Millennial Edition

Is this too daytime? Can I pull off this half topknot? Does this look too work-ish? Which earrings? Should I do something with my hair? Is my eyeliner even (petition to outlaw winged eyeliner)? Can you tell this won’t zip all the way (‘aghast’ should be your reaction to anyone who is deluded enough to wear something that so does not fit)? I can forgive the outfit/hair/jewelry/shoes survey if a) the offender is willing to change based on my feedback b) doesn’t ask too often c) is a very close friend (option c dictates the severity of my judgment in every realm—all sinners are not created equal). But the obverse of the aforementioned sin is volunteering your opinion on my asymmetrical shirtdress, on my soccer ball shaped purse, on my Justin Bieber muscle tee, my sock sneakers (dubbed 'foreskin shoes' by a sharp tongued friend), my yellow mascara, my jeans that zip from front to back unsolicited. Unsolicited opinions immediately place you in social purgatory. No one wants to hear what Rosanne thinks about Valerie Jarrett or what Giuliana Rancic thinks of actual celebrities’ outfits.

A couple conditionals: If I’m wearing something ‘out there,’ then I am cognizant of it. If I didn’t ask, then be sure not to tell me what you think. Silence in response to a so-called loud look is noted and appreciated because I love free will. I love dressing myself in OOTDs that sprung like Athena fully formed from my free thinking mind. And why is it that unsolicited opinions always come from your worst dressed friend? The one who still wears Parker, thinks a jumpsuit is a risk, buys jewelry that’s sold on a piece of cardstock next to the cash register at Paper Source, and thinks it’s appropriate to wear paper bag shorts to the Polo Bar. Unsolicited opinions are an act of violence that must be stymied with retaliatory comments about the safeness and appropriateness and apparent comfort of the offender’s outfit.   

[Photo via @_clothes_24]