Ask For Cooler Condoms And Ye Shall Receive Cooler Condoms!

by SUSANNAH LONG · May 21, 2010

    The District’s young people are exacting when it comes to what they put on their junk. After numerous complaints that the free condoms the city distributes are “ not of good enough quality and are too small” (HA we say to you, on the size front, kids, HA), DC will be upgrading their contraceptive stockpiles.-

    [Photo by Marvin Joseph for The Washington Post]

    The Post reports that officials will now stock up on Trojans and magnum-sized condoms. Furthermore, because students complain that getting condoms from school nurses is, like, so embarrassing, the District has developed a plan to authorize other teachers and counselors, especially male ones, to distribute the condoms. Free condoms can even be requested online and received in the mail. The best part of the changes, though, is that a teacher, after completing a short online tutorial, will receive the title of WrapMC, for “Master of Condoms.”

    Yeah, this might seem like playing into the hands of spoiled teen boys (redundant!). Durex condoms, after all, are just as effective as the pricier Trojans. However, when you’re trying to stop the aforementioned spoiled teen boys (still redundant!) from impregnating/infecting/becoming infected, and when 57% of sexually activeDC high schoolers aren’t taking advantage of the free condom program, it’s common sense to make safe sex as easy and attractive as possible. Luckily, the price differential between condom brands is not prohibitive.

    Magnum knows how to appeal to DC young people in a way that Durex doesn't. The Live Large Project is one example.

    And dammit, if the kids want Trojan condoms, the kids will get Trojan condoms! The Magnum even comes in a gold wrapper that “has a little bit of the bling quality,” according to DC HIV/AIDS administration spokesman Michael Kharfen. And the wrapper says MAGNUM in big letters on it. And Trojan is partnering with Ludacris to do a Hip-Hop talent search called – what else? – the Magnum Live Large Project. Other than status-hungry boys, who’s the most psyched about DC’s new policy? Trojan, of course! A company spokesman insists that Trojans are better because they’re “a little more generous than your standard condom,” despite third party product tests to the contrary. Eh, we guess Trojan is allowed to be a little smug, especially since they're winning the facebook battle as well as the DC free condom war. Just look at facebook groups like I GOT DAT MAGNUM CONDOM WRAPPER SWAGGER!! and I ONLY FUX WIT DA BEST: TROJAN ECSTASY CONDOMS. Durex, in contrast, has a lot of facebook groups in French. Scoff, scoff, scoff.