The Gifts! (And the Bridal Shower)
What do you get as a gift for a woman who is truly the gift that keeps on giving? Sex toys? Nah. Diamonds? Nope. Fine china? How basic. You make a blood sacrifice. You see, in the Illuminati, blood sacrifices are made in order to gain more fame and wealth. It's a legit thing and I suggest you Google it. Gwyneth is part of the Illuminati, no duh, which is only the most exclusive society of all time. So chica's bridal shower is gonna be Hunger Games themed. I don't really know the premise of Hunger Games because I don't get invested in young adult dystopian novels as I am not a supervirgin, but I think people kill each other? Anyway, for this event, Gwyneth is going to invite all of the women she views as both her equals and her competition and they will duke it out. Either they gain an invitation to Gwyneth's nuptials, or they don't make it out alive. Kate Bosworth, Tracy Anderson, Cameron Diaz, and even Apple Martin are about to meet their maker.
[Photo via @gwynethpaltrow]
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