How To Become An Instagram Fit Chick

Stick your ass out until you contract lumbar lordosis! Lay outside and bask in the sun until you're so tan, you look like you could be a different ethnicity! Skin cancer, what of it? Chug detox tea until your digestive system caves in on itself! Eat nothing but acai bowls, even though the 50 grams of sugar per serving will inevitably give you diabetes! Indulge in some light crystal meth use to accelerate your metabolism and curve those pesky cravings! Yeah, it's one of the most highly addictive drugs out there, but at least it's gluten free, dairy free, and paleo friendly! I clearly took some when I wrote this which is why! I! Keep! Using! Exclamation points! So it's totally chill! Do this all while preaching about how important it is to treat your body like the goddamn temple it is!

[Photo via @krisjenner]