Burlesqueland, The Happiest Place On Earth

by SUSANNAH LONG · March 25, 2010

    We are so in love with Burlesqueland, a recent 3-night, Disney-themed extravaganza.  We were psyched to see Cruella DeVille Alice in Wonderland, the Cheshire Cat, Pinocchio, Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Minnie Mouse, and several Little Mermaids. And lots of flesh.

    The, er, whorier moves on display could skew more vom than va-va-voom (I'm looking at you, Cheshire Cat.)

    And yeah, there were a few girls who played fast and loose with the theme, based on what we assume they already had in their closets. Don't put on high heels you have left over from prom and tell us you're dressed as Shauna Sands, you know? A good hula striptease, though, always makes up for any un-creativity incurred in the process:

    Cruella Deville has devilish good fun.

    And now for something completely different. So THAT's what she wanted the puppies for.


    Belle, swinging and ringing

    Belle, tarnished

    Finally, we understand the giant gloves.

    Minnie plays to the crowd.

    Even Walt emerged from his cryogenic chamber beneath Cinderella's Castle.

    Ursula was one of our favorites.

    She captured the poor unfortunate souls of the audience.

    Don't get your mouse-ears in a twist, Disney purists; when the performers visited Disneyland itself on the second day of Burlesqueland, they were well behaved:


    And need we remind you that Mickey's version of Pocahontas was all heaving bosoms and exposed thighs?

    Historical Pocahontas, 1632 [from History.org]

    Frat Party Pocahontas, 1996 [Property of the Walt Disney Corporation]

    One eensy complaint: Where my non-animated ladeez at? There did seem to be an Indiana Jones, although it could've been just a rakish GAP employee. Wait, we just saw the snake. Never mind, it was definitely Indy. But for the most part, the roster seemed to be heavy on the cartoons. What a disservice this does to the Disney Live Action Pantheon!

    Where are our Parent Trap twins (Lohan is overdone; let's go for the classic Hayley Mills pair), being double-sexy? Where is our Mary Poppins doing intriguing things with umbrellas? Where is our Herbie the Love Bug, wearing an enormous pair of car-pasties?

    According to Ultimate Disney, Disney lovers also rate Bedknobs and Broomsticks, and The Santa Clause highly, so where is our naked Angela Lansbury? Where is our naked Tim Allen? We can dream.

    Murder, She Writhed.                               Home Imboobment

    Try harder, Burlesqueland.

    Just joshing you. You have good ideas, and your bodies seem . . . nubile.

    [All Burlesqueland photos from the OC Weekly]