Of Course Gwyneth Paltrow Hired Someone To Curate Her Bookshelf

by Millie Moore · August 21, 2019

    Gwyneth Paltrow is one of those people that thinks that they know everything about everything in the everness of ever. She even thinks she knows more than NASA and medical professionals, even when f*ckin' NASA and medical professionals call her out and say "Your lifestyle website is robbing people of their money and could kill them." And she's still like, "Whatevs, I'm smarter than you." Um, okay, you dropped out of University of Spoiled Children with a half finished Art History degree, but yeah, you're smarter than them, Gwyneth. 

    I was shocked to learn that Gwyneth Paltrow reads since she clearly already knows everything. Turns out, she hired a book curator. Yes, that's a thing, and yes, I totally want one. Not because I read but because I want something to make me come off as smart and rich, and as if I don't steal toilet paper from by CHLOE. and didn't just learn the phrase is actually “for all intents and purposes" and not "for all intensive purposes." 

    Book curators tell their clients what books you and your family like, and they accrue a selection of books that will look good on your coffee table and bookshelf. To be a fly on the wall when Gwyneth tells this book curator, "Well, you know, I really only read my Google alerts I have on myself and articles about Winona Ryder and Madonna aging terribly." And I imagine Gwyneth would threaten her small children with sriracha enemas instead of green tea enemas if they dare mention that they read Captain Underpants or the book series that her ex-husband’s much younger girlfriends star in the movie franchises of. Imagine how much hearing that would f*ck with Gwyneth's very aligned chakras?!

    My favorite thing about all of this is that Gwyneth didn't do this because she wants her family to become more enlightened. She hired someone because she didn't want the newly built bookshelves in her house to be barren and she had no idea what to fill them with. If she were to decorate them without a curator, it would just be her one OSCAR that her father bought for her, healing crystals, and participation trophies she made for herself. At least now there’s perhaps some Coco Chanel biographies alongside Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History Of Time.

    Anyway, I would say that's enough Gwyneth Paltrow news for today. But here at Guest of a Guest, there's never enough Gwyneth Paltrow news. Seriously, inject this sh*t into my veins like she does with B12 shots and Botox. I love her so, so much!