Pumpkin Cheesecake Frappuccinos Are Just Unicorn Lattes For Fall

by Stephanie Maida · September 9, 2017

    Because basic bitches need beverages for every season, Starbucks has replaced their "totally not radioactive" Unicorn Frap with something, quite possibly, even more obnoxious. And no, it's not even that tried and true source of mockery known as the Pumpkin Spice Latte. It's worse - or better, we guess, depending on your tastes.

    While the PSL did make its long-awaited return on September 5th, there's apparently a new *secret menu* item driving people nuts: The Pumpkin Cheesecake Frappuccino. We mean, the name itself conjures Pinterest images of Ugg boots frolicking in a pile of leaves. Shiver.

    Besides, we imagine, packing about 50,000 calories, this PSL upgrade is notoriously difficult to order. Since it's not technically on any menu, you'll have to instruct your barista on how to make it if they're not familiar (which, like, shouldn't they be though?).

    The recipe calls for a creme based Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino, a pump of cinnamon dolce syrup, a scoop of vanilla bean powder, and a pump of white mocha. Order it if you must, but be prepared for the death glares from everyone behind you in line. Honestly, you deserve them.

    [Photo via @_jennifer.pate_]