Good News! Gwyneth Paltrow Approves Carbs Now

by Millie Moore · September 13, 2017

    When we find ourselves at a plateau in our fitness regimens, who do we turn to? Fit chicks on Instagram? Last time we talked about them, we realized they're addicted to meth and probably capable of murder. WebMD? Every time we use that site, they say we're thisfuckingclose to having Alzheimer's or AIDS because we have a stomachache, so that's a no from us. Kourtney Kardashian? Yeah, she's the most holistic, healthy, and brilliant of her sisters, but how seriously can you take health advice from a woman who had unprotected sex with Scott Disick multiple times? As much as we love him, he's slept with Bella

    So who do we look to? Gwyneth Paltrow, of course. Yes, actual doctors may warn against that, but they were never hot enough to date Brad Pitt or Ben Affleck, so who cares?

    The patron saint of trust fund babies has recently made an announcement on her lifestyle website, Goop. We know, we know, what good can come from her major announcements? Another grueling detox? Yet another superfood that tastes like dirt but protects us against cancer? 


    She said that it's actually okay to eat dairy and carbs - in moderation of course! Apparently, there's high level of fungi called Zygomycota in those who eat hella restrictive diets, specifically in those who are dairy-free, paleo, and carb-free. Yes, your body does have fungi, and yes, it is normal because human bodies are gross.

    Dairy actually is a great probiotic and can be eaten in moderation. It also encourages the growth of good bacteria and fungi! Because there's actually good fungi in your body. Probiotics are integral in facilitating your gut health, which makes up a huge part in protecting your body against disease.

    And carbs are just as good! But that doesn't mean you should make french fries and baguettes a part of your daily routine. It means that you should get your carbs from healthy foods, like brown rice, sweet potatoes, and avocados.

    So if this has the Goop stamp of approval, then it must be true - despite what NASA has to say about her methods. And don't act like you never cheated on your diet with carbs and dairy in the first place, but at least this legitimizes it! We're also loving this advice because it's not as expensive as the other New Age-y stuff she's shilling

    But still, no word on whether or not solids are good for you. We're sure Gwyneth hasn't eaten a solid since the '90s. 

    [Photo via @goop]