6 Things To Consider Before Dancing On A Table

by Guest of A Guest · January 13, 2023

    We're all about being spontaneous. And God knows someone's got to be the life of the party, so why not you? 

    Still, take a minute to save yourself from a horribly embarrassing situation of sorts, and truly check yourself before you wreck yourself.

    We support you - the table might not.

    1. How Long Is This Song?
    One would assume the reason for your sudden urge to dance like everyone's watching is due in part to some great groovy song that just came on. But by the time you situate yourself, and figure out vaguely how to gracefully climb up on your personal stage, chances are that song's at least halfway done. The LAST thing you want is to finally get up there with an anticlimactic soundtrack.

    2. Are You Wearing Underwear?
    Pulling a Lindsay Lohan / Paris Hilton circa the early 2000's is just never the answer.

    3. How Slippery Are Your Shoes?
    Those boots may be made for walking, but those stilettos were not made for table dancing.

    4. Is This Going To Be A Solo Or A Group Thing?
    Two girls, one table? Get your shit together pre-viral video and see which Goldie Locks situation you're getting yourself into. Too small? Too big? Just right?

    5. How Inappropriate Is This?
    While fun is ALWAYS appropriate, there are moments when taking it upon yourself to elevate things and bring the party to new heights may not be the best idea. If you're at Miss Lily's or Somewhere Nowhere, you're fine. If you're at The Nines and a few too many martinis deep - you will / should def be asked to leave.

    6. How Dirty Are Your Shoes?
    Leaving streak marks on a table is so not going to get you that cute guy's number.

    [Photo via @larroude]