A Night In The Life Of A New York Media Vampire

Get out of bed at 4:30 pm. Make it to either your 7:30 rock and roll spin class or your free manicure (a.k.a. beauty PR meeting) at a very trendy nail salon in Nolita. Before you head out for the evening, spritz on some Derek Lam 10 Crosby eau de parfum in Hi-Fi and grease up (although it doesn't grease up at all) your face in Clinique moisture surge gel-crème, the one in the cute pink jar. Then you're off.

Arrive at the nail salon early for once in your life wearing a free blouse and a free jacket to pick out your free manicure design. During the manicure discuss places where you can find beautiful people - it's for a story. Make dinner plans at Loring Place sometime in the distant future and hope someone remembers the reservations. Talk about which straight men you know may appear at a downtown drag show in the near future and hope someone remembers you bet $20 on it. Talk about some other editors you know who also love the rock and roll spin class. Take a boomerang of your free manicure for your Instagram story.

Go home and eat a meal combination of breakfast, lunch, and dinner (plus coffee) at 8:30 pm. Invite friends over for hot chocolate and talk about The Room and James Franco and "Cat Person" and Roy Moore. Get invited to a party in some obscure part of Brooklyn and head there around 10. In the car, put on another layer of Too Faced Love Light Highlighter and dig in your (free) bag for the tube of Melted Latex Liquified Lipstick - also by Too Faced. Color? "I'm Bossy - Cool Red," of course.

Once at the obscure Brooklyn party scan the room for famous faces or people you know from social media. Be relieved when you recognize no one. Order the strongest Mezcal cocktail on the menu then walk around the space a bit. Note that it would be good for a date night story, but not an actual date night, since you're single.

Text the co-founder of your zine about where to meet tomorrow after the jewelry party you must attend. Switch your order at the bar to whiskey on the rocks. Get into a heated argument about sexual assault and gossip about the restaurateurs you know who have just been accused of it. Apply more eyeliner. Ask a DJ if he'd be interested in doing an interview.

At this point it's well after midnight, so make friends in the bathroom with someone who can help wake you up, if you know what I mean. Order another whiskey rocks and check the notifications on your work Instagram account. Answer some emails while smoking 100 cigarettes. Remind yourself of a deadline and to take off your makeup before bed. Get bored. Inquire about a new rave in another part of Brooklyn. Leave once you have enough of the details.

Go somewhere else for a nightcap which just turns out to be a glass of water. Go home. It’s almost 3:30 am. Scan Vogue and the Daily Mail and the Observer. Forget to take off your makeup. Start writing this piece.