Got A Hot Date? We'll Tell You Where To Go

[President and Mrs.Obama on their New York Date Night. Photo via HuffPo]. Getting a (relatively sane) date in New York is definitely a challenge, but honestly, figuring out where to TAKE your date is a whole new hurdle to surpass. Don't worry, Guest of a Guest is here to save your love life. By making some sweeping generalizations, our guide makes it easy to decide where to take your date in the city. Click below...

Where To Go In New York If....

Your Date Never Wakes Up In Time For Brunch Permanent Brunch, 1st Ave btw 5th and 6th Be the first to take her/him to this new East Village restaurant that serves brunch all the time. This restaurant is rumored to have the city's best and most extensive bacon menu, and, let's face it, most guys love bacon. Go on a Saturday night! Go on a Wednesday afternoon! Go any time you feel like mimosas and waffles!

You Think Your Date Might Actually Be Gay Brandy's Piano Bar, 84th between 2nd and 3rd Fans vehemently dispute Brandy's status as a "gay bar", claiming it's a place where young and old, gay and straight can get together to have a good, rowdy time. Fair enough. But, if you get there and your date is greeted by name and/or is all too eager to belt out a lusty version of "Season's Of Love" or "These Boots Are Made For Walking", you might consider it a red/rainbow flag.*

*Not that Brandy's is a gay litmus test. Obviously there are many gay men for whom spending even ten minutes inside a joint like Brandy's is akin to being waterboarded.

Your Date Never Travels Above 14th Street Wine And Roses, Columbus btw 73rd and 74th Very carefully explain to them how the 1,2,3 works, and then meet them outside this romantic, intimate wine bar on the Upper West Side. Order a Malbec, order another, and see how pleasantly surprised your date will be to find there is life above Union Square...

You or Your Date Have An Impressive Knowledge Of Beer Songs Bohemian Beer Hall, 29-19 24th Ave, Astoria If your ability to knock'em back and still sing in tune is your best selling point, take your date to a place where at least you won't embarrass yourself. If you feel things are getting too rowdy, you can regain some credibility by turning to your date and saying "You know, Vaclav Havel came here", then solemnly sip your beer. Dropping V-Havel trivia always impresses. Oom-pah-pah!

Your Date Doesn't Drink And/Or Is Amish Central Park, in the middle of the city You could go on a carriage ride, but they'll be used to that. A better option is renting a rowboat on the lake. As soon as you paddle away from the tourists, you can find some relatively secluded and romantic areas of the pond. You can feed the ducks. You can re-enact the "Kiss The Girl" scene from The Little Mermaid. Idyllic, innocent, and very, very sweet.

Your Date Is So Hipster And You Are So Square Archive Cafe, Bushwick Be sure to act as if you only go to independent coffee houses, no matter how many Starbucks runs you make a day. You won't have to worry about hipster conversation topics: your date will see the dvd collection of art-house films and instantly start pontificating about this and that. It closes at 11, but if the date goes well, you can easily segue into renting a movie and taking it home...

Your Date Moved To New York After Seeing Breakfast At Tiffany's Tiffany & Co, 727 Fifth Ave Ok, likely your date is a girl for this one. (If not, see "Brandy's" above). And fair warning: You've got to be really charming to pull this off without having it seem like cringe-worthy schmaltz. But if you bought her a danish. And brought her to Tiffany to window shop. And then maybe strolled down to the Public Library where you would impress her with checking out a book that you conveniently wrote. Then, sigh...you'd have it made, sir. You'd have it made.