All The Men In NYC Who Will Disappoint You

Breaking up with your best friend is 100% harder than breaking up with your boyfriend, but breaking up with your shrink is 1000% harder than breaking up with your best friend. Trust me, I would know. My current shrink told me that pretty much all mental health professionals are legit crazy. I know what you're thinking: "Why would you trust this shrink who says everyone in his field is crazy?" Well, he's good friends with my favorite character on Veep, and so I see that as a solid character reference and trust him implicitly. Also, he gave me a diagnosis so I can get a weed prescription because "everyone has had enough trauma in their lives to have PTSD so they deserve medical marijuana." 

Breaking it off with your shrink is the absolute worst. Every New Yorker has a shrink, or at least needs a shrink. Have you not seen a Woody Allen movie? Have you not seen how often that guy sees shrinks? And have you not seen how his real life played out because he should've dumped his shrink so he could see a new one that tells him to cut the shit with being married to his step-daughter? Case. In. Point. But even he probably hasn't left his current idiot shrink who probably got his degree at a commuter school in Eastern Europe because it really is so hard to leave.

Things with your shrink can start to get a little weird when they get overly familiar because they've known you for so long. Like, do you really think I want to spend our $500 session talking about why Paul Rudd should play YOU in a movie about your life or hear about your wife's colonics? No. But you become so acclimated to them since you bare your soul each week that you put up with it. Then, when you realize you're sick of their shit, you try to break up with them tactfully and, like breaking up with a boyfriend or a friend, that rarely works. (Remember when Beck tried to end things with John Stamos in You?) What makes it worse is that they have so much ammo on you and you have nothing on them. So they have this sliding scale code of conduct to make themselves right and you seem weak. This is probably one of the only acceptable times to ghost someone you've been seeing regularly for a long-ass time.

[Photo via You/Netflix]