Like Kanye? Support Uruguay: How To Select Your World Cup Team

Do you enjoy being disappointed? Is there something thrilling about your worst case scenario coming to fruition? Is fear and self-loathing where you feel most at home? If yes, England is the team for you. With so much potential and in such a seemingly advantageous position, England disappoints its fanbase tournament after tournament. It’s like when you only eat Sweetgreen all week in preparation, but somehow the allegedly flattering Flagpole suit is making you look less like a flagpole and more like a sausage (maybe it was the request for extra parmesan crisp). If you’re comfortable in a headspace of negative vibes, you’ll feel at home rooting for a team whose own press is its worst eviscerator.

[Photo via @flagpole]