Gossip Girl: The New Year's Episode You Missed, Part I

[The Temptress]

Thanks to the writer's strike there is no new Gossip Girl on tonight. This leaves me with an hour of free time, as I blocked off Wednesday nights between 9:00-10:00 on my social calendar once I got hooked on the show. Thankfully, I was born with a great imagination, and so, from now on I have decided that I will just write the damn thing myself. I understand this may pose a problem when the show returns and things are dramatically different from the script I have set forward, but who knows when that will be anyway. Until then….here goes.

Okay so I’m going to start my first episode with a New Years’ party. Did anyone else think that they were retarded not to include one of these? You know these kids are doing something completely fabulous for New Years and I just couldn’t bear the thought of us missing out on it. So, this episode fits in just before the swim party one…after this I will write in present time, following the last episode we watched, (the pregnancy scare).

Scene I. Fred’s at Barneys (Because let’s face it, Barneys in general has been completely overlooked so far)

Blair and Serena are eating fries and raspberry sorbets. They are discussing their New Years plans, which include a group trip to Chuck’s father’s yacht The Temptress off the coast of St. Barthelemey (St. Bart’s). Blair starts to almost tell Serena about how her and Nate finally had sex but Serena cuts her off with:

S: “God Dan is going to just look so cute in these Lacoste trunks I just bought him.” B: (eye roll that Serena fails to see) “I’m sure they will at least due justice to the usual $10 trunks he owns in three different shades of faded blue from Old Navy.” S: “Ooh Nate will probably be sooo cute in his multiple Vilebrequins huh?” B: “Yeah, except I really hope he brought some solid Polo’s, don't you think Velebriquin just screams 'I'm from New York and I Summer in Southampton?" S: "Well that's true isn't it?" B: "Yes, but its not like you want to wear it printed on your forehead, they're just so predictable, so New York, sooo American. You don't want to stick out like a sore thumb down there like its your first time." S: "B, It's a French Company for God sakes!" B: "So is Cristal, but now every hip-hop Jay-Z wannabe and their brother drinks it, I wouldn't be caught dead with a Magnum in my hand. Would You? I'd rather drink a Pinoit Noir with sugar cubes."

Serena makes that weird face with her lips that is a half pout, half grin, then flips her perfectly curled, yet too-long mane down to the 4th floor where they resume trying on dresses by DVF, Carolina Herrera, D&G, Dior, and Roberto Cavalli.

Scene II. Van der Woosen apartment at the Plaza Lily is on the phone to Bart Bass, Chuck’s father (who had just proposed in the last episode). In a back and forth camera pan, with Eric her son listening in, Lily agrees to spend the weekend in Vail with Bart and his “couple friend” from business school.

Bart: “St. Bart’s is always an option, though I’m feeling that scene is done, why don’t we cozy up to the fire in my condo at Arabelle." Lily: “Well I suppose it WOULD be a good way for us to get to know more about each other. It would be good for Eric to get on a mountain too."

(Eric looks up like a sad puppy but will go because he has nothing else to do and actually does care about his mom). Lily gets a text from Rufus: “New Years, you know our spot?” She replies: “I’m can’t. I’m sorry.”

Scene III. The Humphrey Apartment

Jenny is ridiculously sick with mono and Rufus is heartbroken. This is the only appearance either one of them makes in the episode except in the midnight scene at end where the camera will pan to them caught up in a weird father-daughter moment watching some old black and white film at the stroke of midnight. (Note: I purposely wrote Jenny out of this episode as I do NOT need to see her pubescent body in some homemade designer rip off gown or string bikini, thank you very much.)

Commercial Break: Includes of course at least one “27 dresses” promo, a Clearasil ad, and America’s Next Top Model episode preview.

Scene IV: Chuck and Nate, on the super yacht "Temptress" preparing for guests to arrive.

Chuck and Nate went straight from their Christmas spent in Monaco to St. Bart's. It’s mid-morning, Chuck is drinking a glass of Glenlivet, he’s wearing Sperry boat shoes and wayfarers, Nate is talking about how cool Blair is and then precedes to ask Chuck if he feels bad that they are spoiled on this fabulous boat, when most kids their age will either be at some god awful party at Marquee, or unable to drink alcohol at the Delano in Miami.

Chuck: “There’s no point in worrying one way or another bud, people want to BE us, and they always will, it’s something that I’ve gotten used to and you should too. Trust me, the alternative is too dreadful to even begin to imagine.” Nate: (changing the subject) "So how did your Pops settle on a motor yacht? Why not a sailboat, like a sloop. Sounds kinda adventurous, don't you think?" Chuck: "Don't be ridiculous, you can't drop a chopper on a sloop! And who the hell wants to watch out for a mast that swings around every time you want to change your direction." Nate: "Yea, but that's like the appeal, that you have to work and you get fulfillment from it." Chuck: "You want work, fulfillment? Good, I'll send the crew on leave for the day, let them go into the harbor, and you can mop the decks like a true seamen, how about that?" Nate: "You're missing my point." Chuck: "The only thing I want to work on is my morning buzz, and not have my glass tipping over when I travel from point A to point B." Nate: "Point taken."

Scene V. The Party Arrives

The scene in the G-5 carrying over 10 people including Blair, Serena, Dan (though he was overly reluctant to go), the Asian twins (with matching sun hats by Marc Jacobs on), and the other random 17-18 year olds that we are supposed to assume make up their clan. Blair is caught doing her predictable "2 grapes" routine, while everyone else feasts on shrimp cocktails and brie. She can't get the thought of seeing both Chuck and Nate together out of her mind and is crippled with fear throughout the journey. Chuck arranged several cars to pick them up from the private airport and take them to the port where they will be escorted by boat to the yacht. There is champagne in the cars and without hesitation they all start drinking, except for Serena and Dan who pretend to be responsible.

"It's been a cold long winter, and things are about to get hot down on a French Island. Will this exclusive retreat solidify some friendships ...or when all rules are thrown out the window, will too much of a good thing ruin certain relationships forever? Until next time, you know you love me,

xoxo

Gossip Girl

Too Be Continued....