You guys! WE MADE IT! After 595 days (or 51,408,000 seconds if you're really counting), Game of Thrones has returned. And, if you'll remember from way back when, so has winter. We left off with a few major plot developments: Jon finally bangs Daenerys (whom we finally find out is his aunt during the sex scene which, we're ashamed to admit, did not kill the mood for us at all), Sansa and Arya go full Sister Sister on Littlefinger and finally slit that mofo's throat (praise), Cersei and Jaime have a fight so intense it could only be had between siblings who are also lovers, and, finally, the Night King rides in on his new zombie ice dragon and knocks down the wall in 2.5 seconds, leading the army of the dead straight into the North. Yikes.
Let's see where they've all ended up at the start of Season 8! Spoilers (and some raw train of thought) ahead!
1. Dun dun dun-dun-dun-dun-dun dun dun dun-dun-dun-dun-dun dun dun dun-dun-dun-dun-dun
2. OH NO there's an ice trail in the opening sequence now. They really did that.
3. This little map thing has also gotten way more into interiors...
4. OK, 100% thought this kid was running from wights so I'm relieved but HOW TF are all of the unsullied supposed to fit in Winterfell?
5. THERE THEY ARE. MY KING AND KWEEN.
6. She just gave him A LOOK. You know the one.
7. Arya why are you pouting, did you think Jon was gonna see you there?? Wave or something, damn.
7. a. Awp, I saw why that frown turned upside down, girl ;)
8. Not even five minutes into this episode and we're back to talking about balls. But also hi Tyrion, my love.
9. Ah, the Northerners are definitely wearing invisible "Make The North Great Again" hats.
10. I never get tired of the dragons' theme song, or the face Dany makes when she shocks everyone with the dragons, or the faces everyone else makes when they see the dragons for the first time.
11. Bran, WTF does that "almost" mean? Is this another reference to balls? Way to weird everyone out AGAIN.
12. LMAO Sansa "Bitchface" Stark is having none of that ass-kissing, Dany.
13. Thank you for cutting this awkward introduction short, Bran. I'll give you that.
14. Blah blah blah administrative stuff, but TRUE, Sansa is the only one with any common sense around here.
15. "It had its moments." LMAO.
16. I hate this creepy tree.
17. YAY ARYA + JON REUNION
18. "Have you ever used it?" Omg, Jon. This episode is full of the laughs.
19. Ah, Cersei and her statement shoulder pads.
20. Who's this Jaime knock-off?
21. Another joke about balls.
22. Cersei with the clapbacks!!
23. Get over the elephants.
24. I can't believe she slept with the dirtiest looking dude on Westeros Tinder.
25. YASSS THEON!!!!!
26. OK that was rude. But a little deserved.
27. BUT KILL THE BASTARDS ANYWAY - my new AIM away message
28. As if they're going to have to convince Jon and Dany to get together like DUH are you blind?
29. OH NO VARYS DON'T SAY THAT I HATE THIS FORESHADOWING
30. Dany in her reality show confessional: "I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to make everyone bend the knee." No offense, but huge eye roll.
31. Oh Jon, don't you remember? You already HAVE ridden a dragon ;) ;) ;) (Sex)
32. These crazy kids on their joy ride... like there are other things to do right now y'all
33. KISS KISS KISS WOOOOO, but I hated that corny ass flirtation "sO keEp YoUr QuEeN waRm"
34. UGH GENDRY IS SO HOT. COME GET YO MAN, ARYA.
35. "First I robbed you."
The Hound: You left me to die.
Arya: I robbed you first
The Hound: pic.twitter.com/av4hWQbdBU
— Slartibartfast (@Slartib60957079) April 15, 2019
36. "You don't know any other rich girls." Arya and Gendry, the Serena and Dan of Winterfell, folks.
37. Sansa stays being the smartest bish in the room.
38. SAMWELLLLLL <3333
39. OMG NO SAM DON'T MAKE THAT FACE OMG OGMOGM MY HEART
40. "What's wrong?" "UM, your girlfriend killed my family...."
41. OMG HE'S GONNA TELL HIM!!! This is it!!!
42. That moment you realize you slept with your aunt:
When Samwell asked Jon, “you gave up your crown for her, would she do the same for you” #GameOfThrones pic.twitter.com/w9KKiMnGkV
— MsPandaMan (@MsPandaMan) April 15, 2019
44. TORMUND'S ALIVE!!!
45. Jesus the White Walkers have been watching too many Criminal Minds episodes...
46. AHHHHHH HE OPENED HIS EYEEEEEES OH HELL NOOOO
47. OMG I HATE THIS I AM NOT HERE FOR JUMP SCARES
48. OK back to sexy men, Jaime has arrived and watch out, he's got a beard and he's not afraid to use it!
49. Awkward reunion with Jaime aside, has Bran been out here all night??? Doesn't anyone take him inside? Does he sleep?
50. Just gonna leave you with this. Until next week!!!
How this scene really felt
Jamie meeting Bran
— Chuks Dozie (@DozieCN) April 15, 2019