The 7 Deadly Sins: Millennial Edition

Zagat Conversation (n.): the act of talking about restaurants and bars as if they were a topic unto themselves

The restaurant guide conversation is excruciating. The ‘Where should I go when I’m in Florence?’ dialogue is tear jerkingly boring. ‘What are your favorite bars in East Village?’ makes my eyes glaze over. The inanity goes something like this:

Have you been to [recently opened restaurant]?

No, but have you tried [new dessert trend].

I haven’t, but I did try this [hybrid of confection and alcohol] that was amazing.

I’ve been dying to try boozy flan but the line is always around the block.

They sell it at [art house movie theater] and [lousy gallery].

I love that gallery slash short-term storage facility, did you ever get to their pop up—

Ad infinitum

This problem arose because ‘food’ somehow became an acceptable hobby. People think it’s legitimate to consider food an interest. By that logic, I should be able to claim breathing as a hobby as well. Zagat conversation is the illiterates’ version of ‘Did You Read It?’ It’s the kind of back and forth AI systems might have with each other—totally void of human connection, a willful rejection of meaningful exchange. If chill bars and amazing pastas are the subject matter that you find engaging, why not just read Yelp for fun?

Here’s a scenario where Zagat conversation is appropriate: Becky who always asks if she can bring someone to dinner brings another boring work friend to Dante then Becky goes to the bathroom and no one is talking to the tagalong, but you are polite so you ask tagalong if he’s ever been to Dante before and he says no, then proceeds to tell you that his favorite restaurant is The Smith. Cupio dissolvi. You regret engaging tagalong and vow to place self preservation above manners in the future. 

ZC is last resort material because it’s thoughtless and anonymous and usually consists of publicly available information. Zagat conversation is the equivalent of buying a card with a message inside and slothfully adding “Dear [recipient]” and signing at the bottom. Deliver us from ZC.

[Photo via @rali_vm]