The Billionaire Burning Man
Examples: Stavros Niarchos, Ken Griffin, any of the Dalio sons
Where they are: Aboard a 250-foot yacht off the coast of Mustique
Are they adhering to their quarantine? Sort of – they stay on board while the deckhands go into town for supply runs. In this case, “supplies” means Psilocybin mushrooms, Viagra, the new Richard Mille they ordered, and a copy of the Financial Times
What’s in their food supply? Elysium Supplements, Uni nigiri, and Cocaine
What you will talk about: He’s honestly sooooo charming; you will make fun of him for buying a Banksy at Basel (he’s so 2013, but you can totally help), he will tell you all you need to do to prevent contracting coronavirus is drink apple cider vinegar, and eventually he will lightly suggest sending a charter flight to retrieve you so you can “vibe together.” This will all seem great at first and you might even start packing your fave Louis Vuitton Keepall 60, but eventually you will find out that his two asshole kids from a previous marriage are aboard, so fuck that.
Fun Fact About Them: He has a micropenis!
COVID-19 Status: He probably has a raging case of it, but he also has an Illuminati cure being helicoptered to him that Jeff Bezos will administer himself.
[Photo via @fabripiras.boatlife]