If you told me seven years ago that John Mayer would be my favorite person to follow on Twitter, I wouldn't have believed you. I would have believed that Trump would be President or that Spencer Pratt would go from being desperate and pathetic to universally beloved before believing that John Mayer was to be my Twitter crush. 

But here we are.

I mean, he broke Jennifer Aniston's pure, sweet, innocent heart. I'm no Friends fan because friends don't let friends watch Friends, but since January 7th, 2005 when she made her joint statement with Brad Pitt announcing their separation (8 days after my 13th birthday!) (I was at a grocery store on Harbor Island when I found out), I have had an emotional investment in my girl. Obviously, she has moved on to bigger, better things (you've seen Justin Theroux's bulge, right?). And let's not forget when John slummed it with Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. Let's also not forget when he went as far as subtweeting Taylor Swift on her birthday. So lame!

But while John Mayer's little black book reads like the who's who of 1OAK because he's into such basic try-hards (Scheana Marie, anyone?), his Twitter is truly a wonderland. Let's check out some of his greatest hits!

Oh, and I included some of my hilarious replies. Because I feel obligated to make everything about myself.

[Photo via Getty]