Will The Hamptons Be Cancelled This Year?

Many conversations I have these days - whether professional or personal - seem to snake their way to a question on everyone's mind: Will the Hamptons be cancelled this year?

As a person whose business relies greatly on the ability to attend and throw parties during peak Hamptons season, I'm obviously biased towards hoping we all wake up one day in early June to find that life has somehow magically returned to normal. 

But do I think that will be the case? Not so much.

At the very beginning of this pandemic, many made the move out East, taking to their second homes, or quickly, desperately renting ones in an effort to escape confined city life. Such an exodus was not without its backlash of course, with groups of vocal locals furious at the off-season disruption. Grocery stores were being emptied, and stories of irresponsible behavior and poor social distancing were popping up all over the place.

But all of that aside, when considering just how recognizable this summer may be, I think first of the main way a majority of young, fun New Yorkers make their way out - the Long Island Rail Road. Anyone who travels by train knows that it honestly doesn't really matter which Thursday or Friday or even Saturday train you grab. Whether you take the cannonball out of Penn Station, or avoid transferring at Jamaica by getting on at Hunters Point, or head out late at night, the LIRR is packed. If you've never had to stand in the aisle for three hours out to Montauk, or wedge yourself a seat on the stairs, or rest on your suitcase by the doors, you're a lucky minority to say the least. And while there once was a time when I suppose the idea of having an attractive, summer-clad stranger sweat on you as you rubbed shoulders the whole ride was cute, those days feel very far away.

Then, once the long, treacherous journey has been completed, where do a majority of young, fun New Yorkers go? Well, those whose parents don't have homes schlep their suitcase to a share house with ten or so people. There's always a last minute addition sleeping on the couch of course, and a sprinkling of random girls who are always hanging out by the pool. Does anyone staying there actually know them? Did they come with the house? Who can say for sure? And again, how comfortable does that feel?

Then, where will those young, fun New Yorkers go exactly, to have made the trip and questionable sleeping arrangements worth it? Will they teeter their way down Edgemere Street to stand in a pit of anxious, buzzed, aspiring Surf Lodge patrons? Last year they went "reservations-only," but not even that did much to dissuade party people. Crowding around for an hour at the chance of being called forth as a chosen person by Jayma no longer seems to have the same luster. Nor does paying a cover charge to cram into Talkhouse for a show.

Looking for a more refined evening? Well what about pushing yourself past a group of last minute diners all aimlessly waiting for a table, to claim the reservation you had to make a month ago. And let's say that restaurants are forced to operate at 50% or 40% capacity to allow for proper social distancing. Well, then truly kiss the idea that you'll ever get a reservation again goodbye since you can barely get one now. Unless you're okay with a 4:00PM or 10:45PM? Maybe, just maybe, you'd have a chance then.

And in the midst of a heatwave, when there's not a breeze to be felt anywhere but the beach, how exactly would that work? The East Hampton Star has been reporting on the fact that beach parking permits are no longer available for non-residents, and that the town is worried about putting lifeguards and workers at risk. But many people, especially in Montauk, walk or Uber to the beach rather than driving and parking. And short of putting markers in the sand, how can you really make sure people keep their distance? You can't exactly put markers in the ocean when people inevitably go in for a dip. Moving on to the lifeguards, can you really imagine them wearing masks? Can you imagine a more atrocious tan line?

Not a beach bunny? Good luck keeping your distance from people on line for a bagel at Goldberg's or walking around town shopping.

I don't write all of this to be a downer. Trust me, I love the Hamptons. It's been my happy place as long as I can remember. I write it to emphasize the fact that regardless of what measures are or are not taken, heading out East this summer is sure to be a mess. It just is. And as much as it sucks, I'm not getting my hopes up for anything even remotely recognizable to years past.

So I may not be able to go to the beach? You can bet I'm not going to let that stop me from living my most tan life one way or another. That's first and foremost.

And second, though your grand summer plans may be a wash, think for a moment of all the workers who'll be affected - those who rely on the high season for a paycheck, not just a good time.

And please, think of those poor lifeguards and their potential mask tans! A nightmare!

[Photo via @bucketlistli, @gofghamptons]