"I think we're gonna move to Costa Rica, or somewhere in Latin America. I'm not exactly sure where...we just need to transition, and who knows, maybe we'll come back after a month or something, but I think for a while we're gonna go there…and figure it out, it's going to be a whole new adjustment."

Well hallelujah! This is fantastic news! It's about time America got a break from Speidi after the years of constant and aggressive infiltration of all forms of media. Actually, we should pause our celebrations until herpes 1 and herpes 2, as Chelsea Handler refers to them, have left U.S. soil because it's quite likely we'll never be rid of them and I'd hate to jinx it or speak too soon.  It really does seem too good to be true, but I sincerely hope it is.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Herpes,

Please, spare the people of this great nation, at least for a little while, and go "transition" and "adjust," er, whatever it is you want to do, go do it, but make sure it's elsewhere. And take as much time as you need. Thanks! xo

[image via pacific coast news]