Christina Aguilera Does Letterman: Not Like That, But Still Gross

Oh, "X-tina" Aguilera. Always confounding expectations. When we heard that the singer/songwriter/dancer/actress/liquor enthusiast was doing Letterman's Top 10 as a promo for her upcoming, not-at-all-a-ripoff-of-"Idol" vocal talent competition "The Voice", our hopes were high.

The last time Christina graced our television sets, she was taking our country's sacred anthem for an off-road test drive, which if for no other reason was worthwhile because it's really fun to watch batshit lunatic Republicans get worked up about stuff like this. So what would Christy do for her national encore? Would she light a candle for Osama bin Laden? Slam a bottle of JD on-air and puke on Paul Shaffer? Whip off a blond wig to reveal that she's actually Snooki?

Nah, actually, she'll just sleepwalk through a really bland Top-10 list, instead:

Not too funny for the self-described "triple-threat," although to be fair, everything David Letterman touches turns to light, mild un-comedy. But whereas Dave comes off as a well-meaning but unfunny uncle, and gets a pass anyway for his history of dissing major networks (and basically for not being as brutally awful as Jay Leno), Christina is left standing alone onstage, both literally and figuratively. She *almost* wins us back with the National Anthem joke, but the damage from the completely superfluous vocal vamping has already been done.

Seriously, though, are we sure she and Snooki are different people?