OK, no offense to Florida, but as soon as this year's Super Bowl was set to be held in Tampa, I think we all knew that we were doomed from the start. In addition to the, you know, 25,000-person gathering that was the big game itself, football fans, Floridians, and people who just wanted an excuse to rage spent the weekend crowding into massive, maskless bashes headlined by the likes of Steve Aoki, Diplo, and 50 Cent. Le sigh.
Complete with bottle-popping, sparkler-processions, and a pool, all three parties were hosted at Tampa's Godfrey Hotel, and casually attracted a couple of thousand revelers. While event organizers, including Barstool's "El Presidente" Dave Portnoy, promised that "social distancing procedures will be strictly enforced [and] face masks will be required for all staff and guests," photos and videos from the events on social media obviously proved otherwise. Dr. Fauci, if you're reading this, please don't click ahead.