What Your Go-To Trendy Workout Class Says About You

You don't say the phrase "emotionally unstable" to describe yourself, you use the phrase "typical Gemini!" You don't say the word "boyfriend," you say the word "partner." You don't say "have sex," you say "make love," and you "make love" (vomit) while listening to Snow Patrol, Coldplay, or Five for Fighting. You spend hundreds of dollars on scented candles and highlighting your hair to make it look naturally sunkissed and beachy. "The Untethered Soul" and "The Power of Now" are your bibles. Your apartment is adorned with throw pillows and framed prints with inspirational quotes and endearing colloquialisms that you purchased from Society6 that make you tear up whenever you look at them because then it reminds you how YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING. 

You consider your shrink your best friend that you pay $500 to hang out with for 45 minutes a week. He says you think of him as your best friend because you idealize relationships too much, you say it's because he knows everything about you and you know bits and pieces about him, like that he's a Capricorn and is a hockey fan. He's too stubborn to give you that benzo perscription you desperately need, and he says this is because you have a dependent personality but you just think he's being a typical headstrong Capricorn. So instead, you settle for Wellbutrin, the chicest of antidepressants, which just isn't doing its job when it comes to your crippling mood swings and self loathing. Oil pulling and aromatherapy just aren't cutting it either! 

Enter The Class by Taryn Toomey, which you credit for giving you your unshakable confidence. Well, how unshakably confident can you be if you still take a picture down from Instagram if it doesn't get 100 likes after an hour? You're so tightly wound both mentally and physically that you can barely touch your toes, so a full blown yoga class is not for you. You're already predisposed to being really skinny, so there's no way of knowing if The Class actually works . 

[Photo via @theclassbytt]