A Very Lesbian Valentine's Day: A How-To Guide

by M.J. Koury · February 1, 2011

    Valentine's Day can be a complicated holiday for lesbians. From lady dance parties, sex shop visits, and intimate dinners, here are nine steps to doing it right.

    For some, it's a chance to celebrate their recent U-Hauling. For the single, it's a day of grief and L Word reruns. To many in Brooklyn, it's a heteronormative conspiracy designed by corporations to reinforce the patriarchy and take money out of our romance-lovin' pockets.

    Good news for single lezzies: you're not condemned to a long night of vegan binging and Rohan Google image searches.

    1. Dance, Dance, Dance Hit Hit up HEY QUEEN on February 12th at Public Assembly in Williamsburg and dance the pain away with post-grad hipster dykes. You won't have to look very far to find someone to quote e.e. cummings love poems to you--from memory.

    [The queerest of the artsy party at Public Assembly]


    2. Don't Get Mad; Get Even If you're really pissed about how your last ex-girlfriend is now dating your first ex-girlfriend, don't plot revenge by getting with her ex-girlfriend. Mosh to riot grrl punk at Death By Audio's Anti-V-day Party. It's not technically gay but super feminist, therefore bound to be brim-full of gay ladies.

    3. Head To "Dyke Slope" If you're a Dyke Slope (Park Slope) fan, check out Tongue'N Cheek. It's glitzy but chill, in the basement of cozy Bar Reis, with a DJ named Angel Boi who throws incredibly danceable beats and songs you never knew you were itching to hear.

    [Femmes have fun at Bar Reis as an admirer looks on]


    4. Go For The Faux-Hawks And Go-Go dancers If you want to find a date in time for the big day, there's a high probability of meeting cute girls with excellent faux-hawks at The Knitting Factory on February 2. The Big Queer Party (see photo at top) has Hunter Valentine (andro lesbian sexpots) headlining and to follow, a Brooklyn-style after-party with the ultimate in Valentine's treats: Go-Go dancers.

    5. Take An Easy Night At Home Or just hang out at home and try to keep the raw cookie dough to a minimum. Read this and learn from Diana Cage, the wisest lesbian alive, how to get yourself a rad girlfriend in time for next year. Or read this, and just feel really pumped about gay people and big cities.

    6. Get Cosmic With Sex Toys Attached and willing to venture out of the lesbian winter hibernation lovenest of monogamy for some festive V-Day activity? Check out Pat Benatar at The Wellmont Theatre on Sunday, the 13th.

    Take a couples trip to Babeland, below, perhaps the queerest sex toy shop in the city. They have Valentine's Day sales and toys that look like art pieces. Go on the 13th for the "V-Day Sexy Sunday: Sex and Chocolate" workshop to sip mimosas and learn how to bring sweets into the bedroom.


    7. Bank On The Cinematic Lesbian Play Check out the new thriller and maybe even B-list answer to Black Swan, The Roommate, the next movie in this season's trend of heterolesbian sexual tension flicks featuring straight girls that a lot of us wish were gay.

    8. Rely On Skins As A Last Resort If you're too paralyzed by love to leave the house, stay in and watch MTV's new Monday night show Skins, based on the U.K. high school classic. The U.S. version's token lesbian storyline borders on nauseating but the show offers undeniable eye candy.


    9. Intimate Dinner Date. If you're old school and into dinner dates, take her to Perch, or Cowgirl, or Outpost--restaurants with differing vibes but a few uniting qualities: good food and a lot of other homos who agree.

    [Images via Maro Hagopian, Heather Harrison, The Knitting Factory, NYMag]