How To Get Invited To Parties, A Step-By-Step Guide

Social calendar looking a little empty lately? The key to getting invited to parties is mastering the art of being a good guest. "But I'm shy/awkward/socially retarded!" you're thinking. We know. We're here to help.

Being a terrific party guest is a god given talent, but there ARE some steps* you can take to make sure you get invited again and again...

-

Always get smashed BEFORE actually arriving to the party. This way, you save valuable time and can fully focus your energies on showing off your fun, gregarious self.

Seek out the most famous/photographed people at the party. If you need to make notecards, feel free to do so and refer to them frequently at the event. Sometimes it's hard to recognize someone from a PMc photo. The polite thing to do in this situation is to tap someone on the shoulder and ask "Are you Olivia Palermo?". If the answer is "No....", just say "Nevermind." and walk away.

Have some conversation topics prepared. GOOD TOPICS: you, your new line of handbags, how drunk you are. BAD TOPICS: The economic "crisis", the genocide in Darfur, your middle class parents.

Most people talk about namedropping like it's a bad thing. That's just because most people don't know anyone interesting. (Note: Don't let anyone tell you that standing near someone at a bar two years ago doesn't count as "knowing them". It does.)

If there's an open bar, please don't humiliate yourself by ordering something completely embarrassing, like beer. When in doubt, stick to Appletinis.

If have been at the party for twenty minutes and haven't been photographed yet you are doing a BAD JOB. Find the nearest photographer IMMEDIATELY and insert yourself into as many pictures as possible. And by all means, try to stand on the right: that way, your name will be first in the caption.

FACEBOOK EVERYONE YOU MEET. Don't even wait til the next day: whip out your iPhone and friend them while you're still talking. If you, for some bizarre reason, don't have an iPhone, then carry around a notepad and keep a list of "PEOPLE TO FACEBOOK WHEN I GET HOME". It is possible to increase your facebook friends by 30 or more people in a single night. Once I told someone my number of facebook friends, and they snottily (jealously?) retorted "It's not a contest." HA! Of course it's a contest. Same goes for Twitter.

Some people go to so many of these things that they pretend not to care about the swag/giftbags. Their loss is your gain...before you leave, do a sweep of the room and pick up any extra promotional products lying around. It is helpful to bring an empty duffel bag for this.

Leave last. A good rule of thumb is to try to stay 15-47 minutes after the penultimate guest leaves. That way, the host will know that YOU are having the most fun, and will invite you again.

Remember: if you throw your own party, you're always guaranteed a VIP spot on the guest list. ;-)

*Hey these have at least worked for us;) In no way should you take any of this seriously.