Let me start this off by saying: HO. LY. EFFING. SHIT.
Does anyone still have a voice after all that screaming? I think I finally understand why sports people jump up and pound their chest after a goal or whatever. Anyway, moving on. HOLY SHIT guys. The Long Night finally came to Winterfell, resulting in the longest battle sequence EVER on screen (they really did that!). But this Walking Dead-Game of Thrones crossover wasn't nearly as bad as we had anticipated - although most of us saw what was coming in the crypts about a week ago. Sure, we said goodbye to some icons (albeit second tier ones) but most of the gang miraculously made it out alive. What do we say to the God of Death? Not today, bitch.
While I was holding my breath (and violently squinting) throughout this entire episode, I did manage to jot down some thoughts. Let's go through them, shall we?
1. *Immediately starts sobbing when the theme song comes on*
2. You got this, Sam.
3. Tyrion grabbing eight bags of wine like, girl, same.
4. Ah, someone's finally pushing Bran. Thank you, Theon!
5. This is INTENSE... and the battle hasn't even started yet.
6. OK Unsullied, now let's get in formation.
7. OK Dothraki, now let's get in formation.
8. Panning across all our favorites. This feels like a visual elegy.
9. Hey, Gendry ;) *High-five*
10. Daaamn, OK. Maybe the living do have a chance!
12. What is everyone actually looking at though?
13. Time for a little pre-battle, post-breakup kiki between a nephew and his aunt. Awkward.
14. No, seriously, what is everyone looking at?
15. Mysterious cloaked figure on a horse? 100% Melisandre.
16. Damn, all those onions must have given Davos supernatural vision. How can he recognize her from all the way up there?!
17. YAS, WITCH. She's about to light some shit up.
18. AHHHHHHHHH. PUT YOUR LIGHTERS IN THE AIR Y'ALL.
18. a) Side note: did the Dothraki not pimp their weapons with dragon glass? What would have been the point if Melisandre didn't roll up?
19. I'll never forgive her for Shireen, but that was bad ass.
20. OK I get why Beric is always preaching about the Lord of Light.
21. "Valar Morghulis." Except Grey Worm, please.
22. Oh snap Davos is about to throw some hands.
23. Dead before the dawn?! Um, SPOILER ALERT, Mel.
24. Ah, the classic stare-down between Eskimo Sisters.
25. THIS IS EPIC BUT WHY ARE THEY CHARGING ALREADY?!!?!?
26. Oh my god, Ghost!! LOOK AT HIM GO!! But please don't die.
27. Do not go gentle into that long night!!!
28. Oh no.
29. WHAT'S HAPPENING I CAN'T SEE
30. Oh no oh no oh no oh no all those flames just got snuffed TF out.
31. Well that's definitely not good.
32. OK JORAH is back but why isn't he telling everyone WTF just happened?? We need intel!
33. We can HEAR them but can anyone SEE THEM??
34. Here we go.
35. WHAAAAAAAAAAAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLL
36. ZOMBIES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO RUN THAT FAST
37. IS THIS A WALL OF ZOMBIES??? WTFFFFFFF
38. BLACK FRIDAY SALES IN WINTERFELL ARE NO JOKE.
39. Tormund, I love you.
40. Brienne, Jaime, I love you.
41. Random soldier who just turned tf around and was like "I'm outie," I don't love you, but I understand.
42. NOO BRIENNE!!!
43. YESS JAIME!!!
44. HI DRAGON SQUAD, THANKS FOR FINALLY JOINING US.
45. Again, how can Jon see the White Walker Posse from up there? How can anyone see anything?
46. Oh, great. This fog machine is not gonna help.
47. This shot is epic:
48. Sansa, you don't know how to use a KNIFE?
49. Brienne is screaming A LOT
50. Live footage of me trying to see who's dying:
51. RIP EDD. Better him than Sam though, tbh.
52. Chugging wine while locked inside a dingy apartment: Tyrion is every New Yorker during a blizzard.
53. The dragons need some radar technology. I mean, if bats can do it...
54. OMG The Unsullied. Name a more iconic army, I'll wait.
55. Am I the only one who can't take Jon seriously when he calls her "Dany"?
56. Arya Everdeen.
57. Grey Worm had to do it to 'em. For Missandei.
58. Oh you thought those tiny match stick arrows would work? LOL - The Wind
59. Melisandre I know you're that bitch and you're about to light the trenches but do you think you could walk towards them a little faster?
I would like to thank Melisandre for increasing the lighting in this episode by 100 #GameofThrones #GoT pic.twitter.com/ngIQ5tHaDO
— Nora Dominick (@noradominick) April 29, 2019
61. Tyrion has so far had the most dialogue in this episode.
62. OH SNAP. Missandei will NOT have you talking shit about her bestie.
63. If Bran knows everything in the universe, why does he always look at people like he doesn't recognize them?
64. YOU'RE HOME, THEON <3
65. Excuse me, where are you going????
When the edible hits #GameOfThrones pic.twitter.com/0Glh4EDOos
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) April 29, 2019
JORAH: I'll lead the first charge.
BRIENNE: I'll command the left flank.
GREY WORM: The Unsullied shall protect the gate.
BRAN: How cool would it be to fly around and just do like, general bird stuff
— Dan Amira (@DanAmira) April 29, 2019
68. OH, THERE HE IS.
69. What are the wights doing........
70. OH NO I SEE WHAT THEY'RE DOING
71. Why aren't Jon and Dany just fireblasting all the wights continuously though?
72. NO Jon don't follow him!!
73. Jaime and Gendry are so sexy under pressure wow
74. Sam is seriously killin it/them!
75. Jaime and Brienne fighting back to back is the ultimate foreplay.
76. AW MY MAN CLEGANE IS HAVING AN ANXIETY ATTACK I WILL HEAR NO SLANDER
77. OMG YES ARYA!!!! THAT NEW WEAPON THO!!
78. Davos is like ???? Where'd this girl learn to fight???
79. OH HELL NO THAT GIANT DID NOT JUST BITCH SLAP LYANNA
80. Omfg Arya that had to hurt
81. "You stupid whore" LMAO. The Hound is the only one with the correct reaction to this shitstorm.
82. NOO ARYA!
83. YESSSSSSS CLEGANEEEEEEE OMG
84. OH MY GOD LYANNA FUCKING MORMONT.
85. THAT WAS THE DEATH SHE DESERVED. PUT ALL THE RESPECT ON HER NAME.
86. IT'S ICE DRAGON TIME!
87. BRB making this my desktop background:
88. Cut to Arya in the library:
Arya Stark at the Battle of Winterfell (2019) pic.twitter.com/Yo6z2tb42M
— STEVIE NIX (@luxerubbish) April 29, 2019
89. Billy Butcherson from Hocus Pocus has not aged well.
90. RUN BITCH RUN!!!!!!
91. Omg that fierce little baby Lyanna 2.0 - nothing better happen to her I swear to ALL THE OLD GODS
92. Do not open that door Sansa.
94. YES BERIC!
95. OK so this isn't one of those situations like when they bite you you turn into one?
96. OMG HE PICKED HER UP LIKE A FOOTBALL.....MY HEART
97. Really understated Christ metaphor......
98. Oh, Melisandre's just been chillin' there
99. The purpose.....was to save Arya.......
100. AND BLUE EYES!!!!!
101. NOT TODAY!!!!!!!!!!
102. Oh cool, Theon's group has like 5 dudes with 10 arrows each, they're gonna be fine...
103. DRAGON FIIIIIIIIGHT
104. Put that ice stick down right now!!
105. HAHA THAT'S RIGHT. FALL.
106. DRACARYS, BITCH!!!!!!
107. But it's not gonna be that easy, there's way too much of the episode left.
108. HE'S LIKE MICHAEL MYERS
109. EWWW FUCK OFF WITH THAT THIN-LIPPED FRAT BOY SMILE
110. Jon don't do it!!
111. OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO
112. WORST FLEX, NIGHT KING
113. THE CRYPTS. THE FUCKING CRYPTS.
114. The dead Starks are going to fight for the living.....
115. OH WELL NEVERMIND
116. WAIT WAS THAT GILLY
117. YES DANY EXCEPT THAT FIRE WAS A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO JON
118. You couldn't have given him a ride?
119. How is her hair still so perfect?
120. AHHH GET OFF MY DRAGON LITTLE ZOMBIE ANTS
121. Omg Dany is useless
122. YES JORAH.
123. Checking in with our faves: they're not doing well.
Jon Snow when he see's sam in trouble #GameofThrones pic.twitter.com/N1M4O46zoT
— 𝗙𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗸𝗸 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝟯𝟬𝟬𝟬 (@Friskkmkay) April 29, 2019
125. Oh no way you're OUT OF ARROWS???
126. FINALLY Dany picks up a sword.
127. Sansa and Tyrion: KISS! KISS! KISS!
128. OH NO NOT A PIANO OVERTURE
129. Here come the Ice Plastics. The Night Kind is such a Regina George.
130. RIP THEON. REDEMPTION ARC COMPLETE.
131. Oh no they've added string instruments.
132. I HATE THE NIGHT KING'S FACE
133. Why is Bran so chill?
134. JON WHAT IS YELLING AT THE ICE DRAGON GONNA DO
135. Oh no oh no oh no.....
136. ARYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *takes breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
137. OH NO
138. OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG JHGFJKJHGJHGJKDHGJFGKGHJRJEKHJKHGDJGJDGHJDGJRERJKGHJSGWEIW
139. THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCHHHHHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSS
140. ARYA STARK. QUEEN OF THE MOTHERFUCKIN' SEVEN KINGDOMS.
bran lookin at the night king when he been thinking about the knife he gave arya last season all episode pic.twitter.com/hzRGSoERqE
— j.m. weast (@djrbtr) April 29, 2019
142. UGH JORAH. LIVED IN THE FRIEND ZONE. DIED IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
143. Dany is the new Kim Kardashian crying meme (sorry, someone had to say it).
144. OMFG I'M STILL SHAKING THOUGH
145. Melisandre no, not the Hot Topic choker!!
146. Thank you for your service.
147. Can't even imagine how bad Winterfell is going to smell tomorrow.
148. *Previews for next week* COMPLETELY FORGOT CERSEI STILL EXISTS. UGH.
149. Just going to leave you all with this:
Everything’s better with Titanic music.
I had to. #GameofThrones #DemThrones pic.twitter.com/Wd3C4WXfgT
— Shahbaz Khan (@ShahbazMKhan) April 29, 2019