97 WTF Thoughts On "Game Of Thrones" Season 8, Episode 5

by Stephanie Maida · May 13, 2019

    OK guys, raise your hand if you're about to write a strongly worded letter to David Benioff and D. B. Weiss. This episode was, to say the least, uncalled for. To summarize, 8 seasons of character and plot development literally seemed to go up in flames. Did George R. R. Martin really approve this mess?! Ugh. I'm too angry to write a proper intro so here are my thoughts.

    1. Uh oh, the TMZ of Westeros is at it already.

    2. Is he trying to poison Daenerys?

    3. Ugh, nothing like a depression diet, amiright?

    4. Varys knows he's f*cked.

    5. IDK man, bit of an overreaction. 

    6. RIP TMZ.

    7. Not Missandei's chic choker!! Savage, Grey Worm.

    8. Wait his name is TORGO???? Did we know this?

    8. a) Ooo that translates to "Grey Worm" in High Valyrian. Got it.

    9. You only have feaaarrr? Well whose fault is that, Dany?

    10. Mmmm do you, though, Jon?

    11. Um, no you're also his aunt :)

    12. Oooo she got curved HARD.

    13. Is she forgetting that they're related? Why is she so confused by Jon rejecting her advances?

    14. How is it Tyrion's fault his brother went to King's Landing?

    15. LOL Arya just straight up stating her purpose. She killed the Night King, let her through!

    16. Tyrion is me in every single country where I try to speak the language.

    17. DAAAMN TYRION. SERIOUSLY WITH THIS PLAN? FUCK CERSEI!

    18. He literally got Varys killed for talking shit now he's doing way worse.

    19. Imagine Cersei just being a chill housewife in a small town somewhere? I can't.

    20. This is a touching bro moment, I'll give them that.

    21. OK, now some action's about to go down.

    22. I h8 you Goth Jack Sparrow.

    23. 100% team Arya and the Hound.

    24. Jaime literally just got caught because of his hand so he takes off his glove AGAIN???

    25. Also how long did it take him to walk out of that tent last night?

    26. I h8 knockoff Jaime's face. His horse has great bangs though.

    27. Oh yay, a few Dothraki survived!

    28. Seriously though, a bunch of rich dudes literally called "The Golden Company" stand no chance against my Unsullied bois and these rough n' tumble Northerners.

    29. OKKK Tyrion we get it, if we hear the bells they surrendered. Whatever.

    30. Awww alright let the little girl with the horse toy live!!!

    31. Totally pulled a Titanic shutting the gate like that. Yikes.

    32. I'm sorry, Jaime waving his hand around in the crowd was hilarious.

    32. a) Me when I lose my friends at a music festival.

    33. Ugh, watch out Dany!!

    34, YASSSSSS BURN THOSE FUCKERS.

    35. See the only problem with those giant arrows is how long they take to load.

    36. GOOD. JUMP GOTH JACK SPARROW. He's not dead tho.

    37. OMFGGGGGGGGGGGG. DAMN. SHE DID THAT.

    38. THE FIRE IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE GATES.

    39. OK, that was ICONIC.

    40. What has this show done to me to make me enjoy watching people burn alive like this?

    41. YIKES JAIME 2.0. That was embarrassing. 

    42. Why doesn't Dany just head right to the castle like, SURPRISE BITCH.

    43. Tyrion just strolling through.

    44. Really Cersei? Seems optimistic but OK.

    45. Grey Worm is out for BLOOD.

    46. The Lannister army is like, ehhhhhh can we not?

    47. Well that was easy.

    48. If everyone knew the *enemy* was coming why are they still walking around with baskets on their heads and shit. Like, LAUNDRY DAY CAN WAIT.

    49. Can someone just ring the fucking bell already? Where's Quasimodo when you need him?

    50. Dany's like, "Y'all hear somethin?"

    51. WAIT WAIT WAIT NO DANY. YOU'RE JUST SUPPOSED TO BURN THE CASTLE!!!!

    52. WOWWWWWWW.

    53. OH GREY WORM THAT WAS COLD.

    54. Jon and Tyrion are just now realizing they fucked up.

    55. Ouch. Was the Battle of Winterfell also this graphic but we just couldn't tell because it was too dark? I feel like we are seeing A LOT of organs.

    56. They're really out here killing the bystanders now. Uhhhhhh......

    57. I MEANNNN. Was Dany really supposed to become a villain????

    57. a)

    58. Jon is sooooo not living happily ever after with her after this.

    59. See, knew Jack Sparrow was still around.

    60. Cersei's still standing by the window, I can't.

    61. NOW'S THE TIME TO HIDE IN SOME CRYPTS.

    62. Meanwhile these dudes are really fighting over a girl.

    63. FINALLY JAIME BITCHSLAPS SOMEONE.

    64. No offense but this scene is just as pointless as this character.

    65. OH NOW SHE'S CRYING. HAVE WE EVER SEEN HER CRY?

    66. ...........green flames?

    67. YES JAIME. TWIST THE KNIFE.

    68. You didn't kill him yet, tho. Again, pointless scene.

    69. Oh these two just waltzed right into the palace...

    70. AWWW. CLEGANE. <3333

    71. I mean, he still wants to kill his weird Frankenstein-y brother so like...

    72. How did she just survive the entire building collapsing around her?!

    73. Took out her entire secret service in 10 seconds.

    74. FRANKENSTEIN MOUNTAIN IS GOING ROGUE.

    75. OMG THANK YOU I HATED QYBURN.

    76.

    77. #CLEGANEBOWL, commence!

    78. Serious Darth Vader vibes under there.

    79. Guess Jaime wasn't coming to kill her.

    79. a) But why is this reunion making me emotional?

    80. Ok the Clegane brothers are really still fighting... he's a weird undead science experiment, Sandor! You can't kill him!!

    81. Great cinematography though. 

    82. This turned into an apocalypse movie real fast.

    83. If Arya gets trampled to death I AM SO DONE.

    84. Awww it's the mom with the horse girl!!

    85. "FUCKING DIE!" RIGHT?????

    86. NOOOOOOOOO NOT THE EYE MOVE NOT THIS AGAIN

    87. OMG CLEGAAAAAAAAAAAANE

    88. At least he went out the only way he would have wanted to. RIP TO A REAL ONE.

    89. Ok, WHAT is this wildfire doing though? Did Cersei set traps? Why isn't it spreading? What are these green flames?!?

    90. THAT'S RIGHT ARYA WOKE UP I WAS ABOUT TO FUCKING RIOT.

    91. As much as I hate Cersei (and Jaime right now), GET YOU A MANS/TWIN BROTHER LIKE THAT.

    92. WOW. IS THAT REALLY HOW THEY GO OUT?????? DID WE REALLY WAIT 8 SEASONS FOR CERSEI TO DIE LIKE THIS????

    93. PHEW ARYA.

    94. OMG HORSE GIRL. I HATE THIS WTF.

    95. This feels like some super meaningful symbolism I'm missing?? But yes get on that horse and get out of there.

    95. a) Oooo here's something from the Book of Revelation, re: the apocalypse: "Then I looked and saw a pale horse. Its rider’s name was Death, and Hades followed close behind."

    96. SMH. Dany deserved better than this. Cersei deserved worse than this.

    97. THE ONLY WAY TO SIGN OFF:

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