A Letter To DC-Field-Tripping Middle Schoolers

by Kyle O'Donnell · June 6, 2013

    To Middle Schoolers On Their DC Field Trip,

    Get out of the District.

    Please, I am begging you. Don't get me wrong, I love that you're exploring our nation's capital. Isn't it a great city? The landmarks, the history, the museums. It really is something remarkable.

    Then why, every June, do I and every other Washingtonian dread leaving our homes? It's because of you. The hordes of pre-pubsecent, high pitched, vermin that take over our sidewalks and make the city even more congested than it already is. When I walk, please step aside.

    I understand the imperativeness in taking 19 different photos of "this really cool looking building" with your friends, but when I'm trying to get to my reservation at Fiola, WATCH OUT. I'm wearing shoes that cost more than your yearly allowance from making your bed and taking out the trash, so take your Sketchers from Payless to the side and take note. Take me to be an example of the person you can become: a snarky metropolitan social blogger.

    While I'm at it, chaperones, try to reign in these munchkins! Yes, you're busy making sure your Mom jeans stay over your FUPA but you really must try to control the kids and allow the rest of us to continue on with our important lives. I appreciate your dedication to the future of our children but if they don't get out of my way, their future will be shortened.

    (Interns, this all applies to you as well).

    [Photo: Public Domain]