A Plea For A DC Soul Cycle

by Kyle O'Donnell · March 13, 2013

    To the powers that be at Soul Cycle,

    I, along with many other Washingtonians, have one question on my mind. Where the hell is our Soul Cycle? We've heard so much about you from our friends in NYC and we were wondering when you are gonna bring your cycling studio down to the District. All of our New York contacts have told us about your Jonathan Adler candles and compared it to a religious experience. I WANT TO GO TO THERE. I mean, we understand your thing for NYC. If America's metropolises were the Olsens, NYC would be Mary-Kate: overexposed and kind of a mess but you still love her. DC is the classier and prettier and totes more talented but underrated Elizabeth. Los Angeles, you'll always be Ashley. Get over it.

    You've said for YEARS that you'll be gracing DC with the presence of Soul Cycle however, like the elusive Entourage movie, we're still waiting. Why won't you come down here?!?! We have the perfect clientele:

    DC tops the list of gayest cities! Gays will literally try any workout routine if it promises the perfect beach bod.

    Georgetown betches (and their less betchy GW counterparts) would flock in petite hordes to have a woman yell at them to get skinnier. I mean, you have a studio in Greenwich. A disgusting percentage of Georgetown students are from Greenwich. It's basically a gold mine...if a gold mine had Daddy's platinum card.

    Politician's wives have nothing to do other than work out. They love any excuse to go to Lululemon.

    I beg of you, Soul Cycle. Please do not judge us based on our branch of The Real Housewives franchise. We're really not that bad!

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