PSA: The Facebook App's New Update Is Your Worst Nightmare

by Stephanie Maida · May 2, 2019

    The Lords of Social Media have so much power, sometimes it feels like they just f*ck with us for fun. Take, for instance, that time back in December when Instagram switched around the "save" and "post" buttons on our stories. How many of us were THISCLOSE to publicly sharing a nude?

    Now, Zuckerberg and his web developer cronies have totally screwed us over. And, to be honest, I find the potential blunders from this little app update to be far more damaging than a sexy selfie.

    Don't know what I'm talking about? Take a freakin' look at this, people!

    See that? THAT is my "status" box up at the top of my homepage, in the spot where the search bar used to be. 


    About five times today I almost publicly posted the NAMES OF THE PEOPLE I WAS ON MY WAY TO STALK. Like, oh, I don't know, my ex, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's best friend, his girlfriend's best friend's aunt, etc.

    And that, my friends, is my worst nightmare.

    So how does one look up an account now? You have to physically press the little magnifying glass to access the search bar. As if we needed to add more time to our creeping schedules.

    And if you think I'm the only psycho who's shaken up by this, I have plenty of support from my fellow creepers on Twitter.

    Be careful who you search for!