The Lords of Social Media have so much power, sometimes it feels like they just f*ck with us for fun. Take, for instance, that time back in December when Instagram switched around the "save" and "post" buttons on our stories. How many of us were THISCLOSE to publicly sharing a nude?
Now, Zuckerberg and his web developer cronies have totally screwed us over. And, to be honest, I find the potential blunders from this little app update to be far more damaging than a sexy selfie.
Don't know what I'm talking about? Take a freakin' look at this, people!
See that? THAT is my "status" box up at the top of my homepage, in the spot where the search bar used to be.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
About five times today I almost publicly posted the NAMES OF THE PEOPLE I WAS ON MY WAY TO STALK. Like, oh, I don't know, my ex, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's best friend, his girlfriend's best friend's aunt, etc.
And that, my friends, is my worst nightmare.
So how does one look up an account now? You have to physically press the little magnifying glass to access the search bar. As if we needed to add more time to our creeping schedules.
And if you think I'm the only psycho who's shaken up by this, I have plenty of support from my fellow creepers on Twitter.
Facebook: You know what would be funny? Removing the search bar at the top of the newsfeed page so everyone inadvertently posts a status update of people who they’re stalking. pic.twitter.com/kpNsuZtOJS
— Markis (@_MarkWithAnM) May 1, 2019
Facebook is fixin to expose me with putting the “what’s on your mind?” Bar where the search bar used to be
— Han (@HanaMckinley) May 1, 2019
The Facebook update for mobile is dangerous. The status bar looks like the search bar. I randomly thought “what happened to this person I went to high school with” and almost made their name my fucking status
— recklessmal (@crookedmal) May 1, 2019
My Facebook app really went and moved the status bar to where the search bar used to be. Already had two close calls today.
— Emily (@sorokeee) May 2, 2019
Well, Facebook’s mobile app changed again. Status box is where the search bar used to be. Gotta get used to this before I start posting status updates of the name of the guy I have a crush on
— Sarah Doyle (@sarah_h_doyle) May 1, 2019
Be careful who you search for!