28 Thoughts I Had While Watching Episode 1 Of "The Goop Lab"

In case you haven't noticed, we here at Guest of a Guest are absolutely obsessed with everything Goop and Gwyneth Paltrow. She's just so ridiculous, it's actually chic. It's like, what insane, undeniably fabulous thing will she do next? (Spoiler alert: it's release a vagina-scented candle.) So, of course, when we heard about her new, new age-y wellness docuseries coming to Netflix, we got our jade eggs and mushroom tea all ready for a binge sesh - with a side of some healthy skepticism, obviously.

Well, The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow finally premiered last week, and I, for one, finally garnered enough mental-preparedness to watch the first episode. Here are my thoughts.

1. Ok, first off, thank GOD there's a disclaimer telling me to consult my doctor before doing anything Gwyneth says. It's like they knew I was ready to stick crystals up my vajay.

2. Jumping right into shrooms, I see. Cool, cool.

3. Chiiiic office. But did Gwyn and her sidekick dress to match the couches on purpose?

4. I can tell, this dude with the braid is legit.

5. Sidekick's name is Elise. WHY does she day "Goop" like that? Gewp. Gewwwp.

6. LMAO of course she upgraded to first class. 

7. Super not surprised that everyone in this group is white. Moving on...

8. This is also my face when someone starts talking about understanding "the universe."

9. Awwww I love Kevin.

10. Yeah this is why I don't do Ayahuasca in warehouses in Brooklyn.

11. LOL imagine doing shrooms for work... OK, I did Molly for work once but... that was different. 

12. This seems so stressful. Ugh.

13. Why is GP pretending not to know how shrooms work? AS IF she hasn't done psychedelics.

14. So sad but I really respect this guy for making a "crap" joke. 

15. OK now I'm crying...

16. Back to GP: "Yeah, I did try it once in Mexico." Knewww ittttt.

17. IDK, MDMA has never been emotional for me. I'm just like, fluctuating between "WOOO" and "I'm scared." 

18. Is Elise laughing or crying?

19. What are they listening to? Is it a podcast?

20. NOT A BIRTH CANAL!!!!!!!

21. Oh my god I haaaaaate this I AM SO STRESSED imagine sobbing with that man just like hovering above you??? I cannot.

22. He's really hot though.

23. OH MY GOD WHAT'S HAPPENINGGGG. KEVIN!!!!!!!!

24. I feel like Elise literally just said everything she really thinks about Gywneth LOL

25. Cute cute now they're all splashing around. They survived.

26. Love Kevin's tie dye sweater. So on theme.

27. I'm personally good on doing psychedelics as a team bonding experience, but hey, to each their own.

28. PHEW. I swore I'd only watch one episode tonight but goddammit Netflix already started the next one so... catch ya on the Goop side, y'all. I'm in too deep.

[Photos via Netflix/The Goop Lab]